I've a new resolution

I promise myself two things-I'm going to eat 3 proper meals a day. More importantly, I will NOT eat biscuits, especially NOT for dinner. I can't believe I let myself eat paos and biscuits for dinner again... and now I'm paying for it, so hungry and I've no more food. =(

Biscuits to me are like cigerattes to smokers, drugs to addicts, alcohol to alcoholics. No more biscuits for me!

I should start making bets with my brother again, like the time when I swore not to eat biscuits for a month and he, not to eat roti prata for a month. (I believe we both cheated.)

Finally!

After years of saying 'I want to run the Army Half Marathon but I'm too lazy to move my butt', I finally did it with Lynn today, without stopping! Having never ran beyond 11 or 12 km before, I was fully expecting everything beyond the 10km mark to be a complete torture - legs aching, knees breaking, me thinking 'whyintheworlddoIputmyselfthroughthingslikethis' - but no, it was such an enjoyable morning. In fact, it felt a lot better than all the 10kms I've ever done-

(1) The 21km starts at 5:30am, so the weather was nice and cooling throughout. I was quite tempted to take off my shirt a number of times, but that's because the crowd of NS smelly wellys made the air really stuffy. Way better than all those scorching hot 10km runs which made me resort to pouring water/gatorade over my head.

(2) The route was beautiful...from the Padang, past the Esplanade, up the Sheares Bridge, then to East Coast, then Kallang River...which was when it was dawn and the reflection of the surrounding buildings in the river water was really quite a sight to behold...then Orchard Road, which made me declare to Lynn, 'Yay we're running through my favourite shopping place!'... was hoping we'd run pass ZARA at Wheelock Place (haha), but nope. And it felt really nice to have people cheering us along the way, pumping water mists at various points...

(3) I think we were really running at a very comfortable and steady pace... must have been really slow, considering there wasn't a single moment of breathlessness from start to end...we could talk, we could sing, we could speed up over the last 3km and sprint towards the finishing line. And I can't believe I can still walk. Fine, we took 2 hours and 40 minutes...but I don't care because our only aim was to finish it without stopping. On another note, I found out that army boys get 2 days off work and a medal if they finish under 2 hours 45 minutes... If Lynn and I could do it so easily, it must be a piece of cake to them, completely slack!!!

(4) I had the company of Lynn! Finishing it together with her was what really made the whole thing so memorable. I think I would have been bored out of my mind from moving my legs non-stop for 2 hours plus if I was running alone... and I must say that she must be veryveryvery fit by nature; I really can't believe that she hasn't ran in a month and yet she managed to go all the way without stopping! Thanks babe for sharing the experience with me / all the encouragement... we did it! =)

And of course, there was Darren, who finished waaayyyyy earlier than us, but walked back to cheer us on near the finishing line.

My shopping prowess never fail me wherever I go. After running, I rewarded myself by buying a new Pink Reebok Drifit shirt at one of the booths...but it's cheap and pretty, really should have bought 2. Think Darren was really amazed that Lynn and I had the energy to spend so much time looking through all the Reebok stuff.

Post-running brunch at Cafe Cartel was MmmmMMMMmmm. Except that they lost our orders and left us starving for a long time. And I discovered that Darren is as weird as me when it comes to food... he doesn't eat oranges/muffins! Who on earth doesn't eat oranges/muffins???!!! But he thinks I'm weirder and need to see a psychologist over the long list of food I refuse to eat... I don't psychologically not want to eat chocolates, they really give me sore throats!

I feel so happy today man. So inspired to run the half marathon again next year... and really aim to run faster this time.

Running aside, Amanda, Christine and I went to watch The Samuel Beckett Project yesterday. I wasn't really expecting myself to enjoy it because Beckett's infamous for writing strange, minimalist, existentialist stuff that no one understands... true enough, I didn't understand most of it. The 1st play had only one woman talking very very fast... she almost didn't have to act since it was so dark that no one could see her. The second one was an old woman walking up and down this space on the stage which was probably about 5 metres long and 1 metre wide. The third one had three people in a pot, speaking very very fast again. The fourth was really ultimately weird, with this old woman doing nothing but rocking on a rocking chair... and it had a grand total of about 5 lines being repeated over and over again... and may I emphasize, over and over and over again. Think Beckett was really trying to test the patience of the audience... and I really let myself close my eyes since it made no difference.

But that was fine. What made the whole experience so horrible was this group of immature, rowdy, SINGAPOREAN secondary school kids on some outing. My goodness, they were laughing and chattering so much that the play couldn't start on time. Everytime things began to quieten, someone would say something inane and the rest of the lot would burst out laughing. And they kept laughing and making fun of the plays throughout the show. During the 2nd play, there were these two girls behind us whispering (loudly) non-stop... couldn't concentrate on what was happening on stage at all. On top of that, those little piece of shits were KICKING the back of the chairs, which was really so damn annoying. I really wanted to write a note saying, 'Excuse me, this is a free society, so if you're unhappy, you're free to leave, but please do not annoy those who're actually trying to watch the show. And, if you can't be bothered to show some respect to the performers on stage, show some respect to YOURSELVES at the very least by not behaving in such a disgraceful manner.' Unfortunately, I couldn't find a pen. It was really quite a disgusting episode, totally ruined my afternoon. ARGH.

Nation Fabric @ HDB Hub - Lynn and I discovered this on Sunday. Never knew there was such a pretty thing! I've never been the very patriotic sort (in spite of watching the NDP at the national stadium almost every single year for the first 18 years of my life)... but seeing it, and realizing that it was made up of little patches sewn by Singaporeans from all walks of life... made me realize, there's something about living here that I like after all. It's where I can usually run at 3am and not feel scared, where travelling is so easy (even if you get insanely lost, it takes barely 2 hours to drive from one end to the other), where I find my ban mian, sushi, teh-bing etcetcetc... I wish I could sew my own little patch and put it up there too.

Today, I met Linli, my new piano partner. We're going to play Saturday Night Waltz by Copland... haven't heard it, but the title sounds so pretty already. Hope it's pretty easy to learn as well. Anyway, she seems like a cool person... so there goes the original plan to play with KC. Which is good, because

(1) he loves to insult me

(2) he loves to insult me

(3) he loves to insult me

(4-97) he loves to insult me

and the most important reasons :

(98) he makes me look fat in pictures

(99) he made me look fat in pictures

(100) I make him look skinny in pictures.

And Linli has found the Copland score, really can't wait to get down to playing again... it's been a long time. No piano in pgp, still.

Now that school has started, working has become a form of relaxation, which leaves me a little reluctant to quit so soon. The few pathetic hours a week I work, I just forget about using my brains, forget about all the things I need to settle... and just take orders, clear plates, smile like an idiot, say stupid things to my colleagues, say stupid things to may manager (e.g. 'steven, can you get blue ketchup for me')... I don't know what is it about the place... it could have been the people, but most of them who were my friends have long been gone... I think it's the different company, the people you meet, the nature of the job - it leaves me humbled, keeps me grounded, reminds me not to take things for granted.

But sometimes, I still forget. And some things, I can never forget.

laptops finally back!

Ran into Shloke at hemisphere!
f.r.i.e.n.d.s @ hemisphere!
Ditzy's belated birthday celebration @ Orchard
Becky
Lady

I've cute dogs! =)

I should really be posting up pretty pictures from the late afternoon spent at Pierce reservoir last Sunday with Manda, Chris, Pepper... but my laptop has been sent to the computer centre for fixing... so these are the photo collages I stole off their blogs. The second one was taken the day we had dinner at Youth Park (despite the fact that we're not that youthful anymore)... with the presents I bought from Bangkok!

First week of school really passed by so quickly... slack enough for me to head down to Paragon for work, go clubbing with the Oxfords and Columbian on Wed night, run a lot. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Really lucky that there're friends to sit with in evry lecture. FNA 1002 was the exception - sitting in the LT filled with freshies and not a single soul I know was really a bad start for the first day of school. Thankfully everything got better over the next few lectures.

Here I am, always trying to have a better attitude to school. I know it doesn't work half the time and I'm always whinning, being depressed over school as if it marked the end of the world... so it seems like I lack self-awareness when I get irritated with people around me who seem to look at school with such a cynical, stubborn, unrelenting... in short, TERRIBLE attitude. I can't help it, but it annoys me to hear 'yay it's friday' or 'yay friday means no school for the next three days' or anything along that lines... not that I don't think that too, but hearing it every single week across two semesters - my dear friend, is it really that bad? I completely understand how you feel, but it's only because I care, that I wish you could change your attitude. Sometimes, it's really that little bit that makes the difference... not reminding yourself constantly how shitty things may seem, not articulating those thoughts all the time, even if they're in your mind. Maybe it hurts to think that as old friends still going to school together, I can't make it better for you.

I keep trying to change my own attitude. And I hope I'm at least better than that.

This semester feels like a pretty good start so far. I've five mid term tests and a horrible exam schedule... but I still hope for a happy term. With (only) three more years as an undergrad, I don't want my parents to be paying thousands for me to be miserable.

how lucky, I'm crazy, and alive.

Insisted on taking a picture with the purple Village cow outside Heeren...Christine was really more reluctant than she looks.
Jitsy (not Ditsy's sister) came to my room! Really love my new pink bed sheets. =)

Me, Veron & Jingmin @ O week

Here's why Chengwei's a very lucky girl.

Reason #1: As Christine puts it, 'you're always starving'. I don't know what's wrong with my stomach, but I have been permanantly hungry of late, hungry while i sleep, hungry when i wake up, hungry at work (this is esp so since I don't eat), hungry before I sleep, hungry while I run (veryveryvery)...must be making up for all the times I ate nothing but biscuits, bread and all other rubbish, so I've been eating, eating, and eating (like, 5 pieces of bread last night before sleeping). I deserve to be fat, but I'm not (that fat yet).

Reason #2: I totally deserve to be broke, bankrupt, but I'm not.

Today was a crazy day to me. For one, I talked to lots of freshies during orientation, which is so unlike my usual stuff. In fact, whatever little time I was at O week, I actually felt really glad to see my friends from last year's business freshmen orientation camp (explains the photo with Veron/Jingmin above). It's not that I don't like them or anything, but for some strange reason, I've been unusually happy to see them. It's probably been too long since I've stepped into business school. Veron, Jingmin, Ivan, Lingzi, Paulus and some other random business people I may not really know. And lunch with Visayon yesterday.

And there's Linda too...While sitting in the business canteen today, I was suddenly reminded of all the times we were suppose to go shopping during the Great Singapore Sale together, but never did... and decided to ask her if she was free for a day at Orchard today, and I'm so glad she could make it, finally! That's when the madness started. Before heading to town, I got speakers from the IT coop (am extremely happy with the sound). And in town, I bought tickets to watch The Samuel Beckett Project with Chris and Manda, two shirts from Zara (yes, they're black and shiny with words), one shirt from Bossini, one pair of shoes, one pair of earrings, one bracelet, pretty cards... I don't even want to begin counting how much I spent. The worst part is - I feel no regret at all, how could I, when Power 98 is blasting out of my new speakers!

Besides, it was an afternoon pleasantly spent. Linda and I don't really share the same taste all the time, but we're equally obssesive anyway - she's Mango crazy, and I'm Zara more-than-crazy. Shopping together was really fun...I think I actually chattered a lot, because I felt so relaxed! It's been a long time since I've felt like that.

And, the evening was spent with my favourite Nanyang girls, again! C.C.A. - Christine, Chengwei and Amanda, I'm suddenly reminded of one afternoon during the good old NY days, when we were sitting in Thomson plaza, and coined this acronym. There should be more pictures of us looking happy with the souvenirs I bought from Bangkok... but I shall not ruin the surprise for the rest. Chris left early after dinner at Youth Park, while Amanda watched me spend more, and contemplate spending more. Walked along Orchard, all the way to Borders...

I'm always thankful that Nanyang gave me so many f.r.i.en.d.s, some whom I hardly see/talk to... but everything always falls into place when I do.

The past two weeks have been tiring. Besides falling sick the moment I moved back to hostel, I've been working like crazy. It's quite funny seeing my brother at work behind the salad station though, and nice in a way.

Mum called to say she's going to Hongkong on Monday. I can't believe she's going, again. I think all the women of my family suffer from the same disease. When we're obsessed with something, we need to spend the money on it. Like my Zara habits. And my mum's travelling habits in the past few years, and Swatch watch habits, and cute stuff habits, and a million other habits I can't even remember. I think she went to Hongkong not too long ago, can't believe she's going again. (and she wanted to go to Beijing too, probably after seeing me buy so much from there.) But it's okay, as long as she's happy, we're happy. I think talking about shopping, travelling and all the things we want to buy bonds my mum and I together. =)

Time to go for a run. After spending so much money, including paying to run the Army Half Marathon, the least I could do it make my money's worth by trying to train up.

Pepper says I only blog when I'm happy. It doesn't take much effort to blog when I'm happy. Otherwise, I can't be bothered to take that effort anymore.

August post!

TIMmy boy!
To think that Linda and I kept saying we would meet up/go shopping/clubbing/have a girls' night out in Singapore... and we met up in Bangkok. Was really quite =) to see this girl after such a long time... and well, Linda, this update's at your request! (Hopefully we're still in the same tutorials next semester...)
Sweet Serene came to see me off at the airport! And we just had to take a picture for Lynn when we saw the butterfly and caterpillars board... that's Lynn's Honours thesis! If there's anything I missed over the pass two weeks/missed in Bangkok, it must be seeing these girls practically every week, playing bridge, driving around in my car for dinner, taking photos!
AHHHHhhhhhh! Big rock falling on us!
That's me in my latest Zara shirt picked out from the Great Singapore Sale... and in Bangkok, I amazingly bought only ONE piece of clothing... no prizes for guessing where it's from. I probably could have bought 10 shirts with the same amount of money, but really, the fashion in Bangkok... is just, erm, not quite to my style. Same goes for the earrings, shoes, accessories... but of course, that didn't stop me from overspending and changing another 100 dollars! I normally try to buy stuff for people, and manymanymanymany things for myself. For once, I spent most of my money buying stuff for people...and it does make me feel nice - that I bought what I think is the perfect souvenir for my favourite Nanyangals (so excited that I had to send Manda an sms to tell her!), birthday presents for August babies... I knew I was paying a little too much for some things... like the sandals for Liza (which are exactly the same as the ones I have!), but seeing that it was something she really liked made the money worth it, like the bag accessories, some of which I bought twice just because I saw nicer designs at other stores, but they're what my mum wanted! My mum says I can't possibly be spending money on souvenirs for everybody each and everytime I travel, but I say, it makes the shopping a happier affair. When you own a million clothes/bags/shoes/earrings/watches/everything-you-really-need/everything-you-don't-really-need-and-don't-make-you-happy, it's time to give.

When I asked Tim what he's going to miss about Bangkok, I was expecting him to say something like being able to eat fruits/drink fruit juices non-stop everyday (I think I must have eaten 10 long slices of pineapples / drank 10 cups of fruit smoothies in 4 days)... but he said, 'I'll miss the people.' The reply was surprising, but it immediately rang true. The Thais are so friendly, so gentle (well, the guys are a little too gentle sometimes)... unlike shopkeepers in China who start scolding/cursing/shooting daggers when you ask for a lower price or decide against buying something, the Thais are so patient! Always smiling, saying thanks... so much that you feel obliged to be nice as well. In comparison, I'm probably a terrible waitress... definitely not so patient, always silently cursing random guests for being annoying, smiling when I feel like it... in fact, now that I think of it, everything's probably subject to my mood on working days... should really try harder.

If I ever believed I was nice, I must have been kidding myself.

I've always known that deep down, I could be selfish, self-centered-

But what I never realized, was that I could be THAT selfish, THAT self-centered.

I said to do what's best for everybody,

and then, you tell me that I'm still nice.

But that's because you don't know this-

I still wish you would do what's best for me.

I know that no one is obliged to be nice to me,

but I still wish I could have it my way,

have what's best for myself.

And I can't blame anyone,

but because I feel it's so unfair to me,

I want to put the blame on you, to hate,

just because I couldn't have it my way.

I claim to understand, say that I shouldn't make things difficult,

but what you don't know, is how hard it was so say that,

how hard it is to let go of what's best for me.

And so you tell me-

you're still a nice girl, cry no more, say sorry no more.

But -

I cry because I feel sorry for myself,

but I'm too selfish to admit that,

I'm a nice girl no more.