The picture up there has been one of my favourite pictures for a really long time. (since I don't know when...) I lost it when my computer crashed. For the past two years or so, I occassionally type 'Purple Clock' into search engines to see if I can ever find it again. Today, I finally found it on Gettyimages. And many others like the grey picture below.

And I discovered that it's from the Musee d'Orsay in France. When I was in Paris, I decided to give the Musee d'Orsay a miss. How can that be.

And I said (in broken Deutsch) during my German Oral Exam yesterday, 'Ich sehe viele Museen in Paris. Das war sehr sehr sehr langweilig.' ('I saw many musuems in Paris. They were very very very boring.')

How can this be.

oh my i just met pet! this is so scary.

Random Murmurs

Right now, I'm doing course duty, staring at people warming up for Muay Thai. *Yawn*

Finally, marketing project presentation is over. No more Grrreeeptile Grrriiippp Golf Gloves for me to agonize over. Personally, the experience with this project was quite a learning experience. I feel surprisingly good about today's presentation, except that the tutor complained that my earrings were big and distracting, but nevertheless, pretty. haha. (I meant to take them out!) I feel quite satisfied with the project! I don't know what came over me, but for the past two days, I've been amazingly motivated to just sit there, do the project, and nothing else. I wonder why.

I was telling Ray last night that when I'm really absorbed with work in work, time passes so fast. And sometimes, I actually enjoy these moments, these moments of full concentration on the task at hand. In those moments, every other distracting thoughts or worries just fade to the back. And when I finally stop, I find myself feeling a lot better.

haha, the Muay Thai instructor just told the class, 'Oh you all are very cute. Can talk and do crunches.'

In the past hours, I've been running into many people I don't normally run into anywhere. Kenny on the way out of PGP, then Jeremy at PGP steps, then Visayon at PGP steps (twice), Candy at biz (twice), Daqi and Junhan at canteen (ok, I see them around all the time), then Jean, then Yixing at bus stop, then Gilbert outside the toilet, just. Wonder who's next. I don't know why, but something tells me I'm going to run into Benjy if I go running later. haha, just a hunch.

Okay, this is a really random post. That's what boredom from Muay Thai duty does to you. Maybe i should do some work. =S

RARR

TO MR WOODLANDS:

YOU ARE ARE ABSOLUTELY INDESPICABLE.

FIRST YOU STEAL MY WALLET AND MY TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS PLUS TWENTY DOLLARS VOUCHER.

AFTER EARNING TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS...

YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO PUT STAMPS ON THE ENVELOPE WHEN YOU SEND ME BACK MY CARDS. AND MAKE ME PAY FOR THE POSTAGE???!!!!

(and you took so damn long to do it, when I've already cancelled/re-applied for half the things.)

That makes 2 woodland-ers who have annoyed me in a week. rarr.

Chengwei has a stomachache! =..( Think it must be stress, haven't been eating well for weeks already.

Just discovered that Power 98 plays really nice remixes on Friday late nights! Ooo, makes me want to go clubbing, but there's neither time nor company. I've never been a frequent clubber, but I miss it, still. Sigh. But doesn't change the fact that the music on P98 really rocks now. Must always remind myself to listen to music while doing work so that I won't feel moody.

I attended the NUS Wind Symphony's Concert today. Lousy mood aside, I loved the repertoire. Looking at large numbers of people playing together always reminds me of how special music feels. Really, it almost moves me ot tears sometimes.

Now I really want to go home, so that I can play my piano. The week has been tiring in all senses of the word - emotionally, physically, mentally. So many things flooding my puny brain all at once, sigh, need to shoo some things away. I so need a break, hope the piano makes everything alright.

KC the Kpo Priest, I know you're reading! Kpo Kpo Kpo. (who ask you not to give me your project? ><) Anyway, thanks for not being pissed, I know you're very understanding one, haha. =)

Jubilation!

I've just uploaded one term paper, printed one more for submission tomorrow. One more term paper to go, but who cares, I'm leaving it for next week.

Ways to celebrate and give myself a semi-well-deserved break:
1. Blog rubbish before studying for Deutsch Test (i.e. now)
2. Go for a run tomorrow
3. Design a new wallpaper for my desktop.
4. Sleep for at least six hours tonight. (Plan may be vitiated by 3)

Oh, the feeling of satisfaction.

It's funny how everything fits in sometimes. Certain events that have transpired over the past two days... in light of a brief conversation I had just now, I've to be thankful for them. For it reminded me of something -

We may be privileged, but not better.

I can't believe I forgot for so long. At least I'm made to remember again. And it still brings so much comfort, and inspiration.

hmm, a friend was wearing a 'Mr Happy' shirt today (I think it's called that a least, comes from the miss lazy, mr smart, miss messy etc etc cartoons). I want one too! ><

The potent power of sweet...

... never underestimate what a sweet can do.

And the absolute power of sms-es... let's not even go there.

After essays, projects and tests, the handphone is the current bane of my existence.

Short Shoutout before I go run

Sadly, I didn't get to go home this weekend. At least I had dinner with my family. Strange how last time I didn't really think it was a big deal if I couldn't go home for the weekend, but now, if I don't, I would agree to meet mum/dad/bros for dinner even if I don't need to eat. Well, maybe it's a form of escapism from work.

Like running. Dying to go out and run away from work.

Certain things of late worry me just a tad... but on a brighter note, it might make me mildly closer to my brother(s). Hopefully.

In the name of procrastination and refusal to do work, there's lots to say. But I'm off for a run!

Hello world.

It's 3.54am, I sit admist a mess of esays on mathematics, emcee scripts for the NUS Harmonica Concert, pens, highlighters... on the bed behind me lies wilting roses, unfolded clothes, a black shiny dress, paper bags and more clothes.

It's 3:54, I'm unshowered, tired, and dying for a run.

I must be really untalented in math - For the first time in my life, I drafted an essay without even being close to exceeding the word limit.

I have listened to the Poulenc recoding. I made more mistakes than I even noticed. =..(

Lately, those around me have been tired, moody... or alternating between both. Myself included. May all our days be bright and merry soon enough.

On Mathematics and life

'...our pursuit of mathematics is meaningful because of the contrast between the certainty in the world of mathematics and the lack of certainty in the real world. Mathematics represents a very human attempt to reconcile ourselves with the desire for perfection and the lack of perfection in the real world...' - Lee Cheng Wei, the moody mathematician.

Kev says my thesis is profound. Completely explains why I've rewritten it three times, and now I have exactly 519 words. 2000 more to go baby. But I swear the whole essay is there, written at the back of my mind... it's just not within my means to get it out. (Doesn't help that I'm too lazy to read the endless essays on 'what is mathematics?')

Really, I don't hate mathematics. I don't even hate thinking about 'what is mathematics'. I only hate feeling that helplessness of being unable to write. Hate staying up until 4 everyday just to churn out 600 words. Hate the feeling of being, *gasp*, stupid.

Nevertheless, I finally went for a run at 12 just now, after more than a week. I always feel somewhat better after a run. Wonder if I've time for another one tomorrow.

Despite all the moodiness (pardon me, I tend to make a big fuss over work, as if I was the only person in this world feeling stressed over work), there's something alluring about sitting in my room alone - ignoring the fact that I'm about to tear my hair off my head along with all the math essays - it's just me, my pillow and music. There's something about music and late nights. For it calms the mind and soothes the soul. If I had a piano right now, I'm quite sure I could play random pieces for the next 2 hours.

opps, perhaps its a blessing then, for it's 4:20am, and I do not have the luxury of time.

Late Night Thoughts

I used to think, the perfect situation, ironically so, would be to aspire to be a perfectionist without really being one. The wonderful pseudo pursuit of perfection... to do something pretty well, then letting go just before that perfectionist obsession takes over. Not perfect, but satisfyingly close.

Unfortunately, the demands of time has made this impossible of late. I find myself doing things for the sake of finishing them, just having something to show for, appearing sufficiently responsible. And it makes me feel so bad. I hope I never look back and ask oh, what if? what if I've done this better? What if I've put more effort into that?

Too late. Time is running short. I can only move on to the next thing.

I used to wish I could be more stoical, cold, focused merely on the practical, and I still do, if only just a bit.

While doing my work today, I stopped, and it suddenly occurred to me, maybe I've lost my source of support. And the chain of thoughts came - I've lost one of my most important source of support, where do I go from here? Then I remembered this blog and suddenly realized something - It was borne out of boredom and sleeplessness, but at the end of it... I even needed to start writing because I lost that support.

And I ask, why, after so long? It's not gone, but neither is it the same. But don't you worry, you didn't lose your friend. It's only my loss.

This has never happened before - but I feel so helpless with work that I've lost both my appetite and self-motivation. Sigh. I can't wait for exams! Exams means a few things - no more going to lectures, tutorials, essays are actually DONE (or maybe I decided to allow myself to fail and not do)... holdiays are coming. I want to go on
a vacation, maybe to Narnia Land in NZ, maybe to shop in Bangkok, maybe to see the Great Wall of China... or better still, bring me to France again. But maybe, just cool, quiet Fraser Hill in Malaysia would do, just so I can be still, contemplate, and regain that calm.

With love, from me.

It's not in my nature to mention things of very personal significance to me on my blog, but I guess I've to do it, just once -

I've wanted to play with someone else on stage for the longest time. Tonight I got the chance -

But what I wanted to say it, THANK-YOU to the friends who were there to support me tonight. You've no idea how much it means to me, to know that all of you, the people I treasure most, were there. I love you.

(random other words about stuff I'll never share on a blog. blah blah blah blah blah yadaa yadaaaa)

Bye Poulenc.

... and oh I forgot to announce, I passed my driving test on Tuesday.

There isn't an exclammation mark(s) at the end of the sentence because there's a huge secret - it was my second attempt. hahaha. Sorry to all those I lied to (didn't want pressure!), which is almost everybody since I only told 1 person the 1st time I failed, and 1 person the date of my 2nd attempt.

In case anyone wonders, I got 36 points the 1st time. Laugh all you like. After all, I've passed! =)

Swarmed

I am swarmed with work.

It's okay being swarmed with tutorial questions - the worst that could happen is to fall asleep doing it, not know how to do some questions here and there, give up on them and simply await the next tutorial sesson, when you will copy the answer.

It's bad enough being swarmed with term papers.

But it can't be worst being swarmed with term papers which are completely open ended - 'You can write on any topic of interest, as long as it's relevant.' tsk tsk, I've spent a whole 5 hours browsing OM journals, and still have no idea what to write. Worst still, I just realized that after half the semester, I've no idea what OM is, so there goes the relevance part. It feels like I'm wasting time. Fatigue = 100. Time spent = 5 hours Work done = 0. Amount of work left = infinity (as long as I continue in this state, work will be infinite since it'll never be done.)

Oh, on top of that, every single one of my term papers are just as vague. And due in the same week. BAH.

=( Now this leaves me feeling very unhappy. And when I'm unhappy and stressed, I cannot breathe properly.

Recent events have left me with questions, empty resolves and more insecurity. In view of work, they've continually been pushed aside rather than pondered upon.

The only thing I feel like doing now is play random songs on the piano, but there's no piano. I'd run, but it's too hot. I'd swim, but I don't have the luxury of time. So how?