Almost 21

http://almost-21.blogspot.com/

Hello friends, I've decided on a 2nd blog. Leave a comment with your E-mail address if you wish me to send you an invite.

P.S: Whether I send you an invite has absolutely no bearing on how good/trustworthy a friend I consider you to be, so don't take offence if I don't! :)

P.P.S: The blog's still basically empty, I'm lazy...give it some time.

La Dolce Vita

Rawr, disaster strikes...


Thanks brother, you're the best! =) (coffee treats, better still!)

yup, and you too, lanky friend.

This morning, I suddenly recalled something one of the driving instructor's at SSDC once told me (a pity I don't remember who exactly it was) -

'If you never ever experience sadness, how will you ever appreciate what it happiness feels like?'

When I think of it, it makes so much sense. So I fell down, but what the heck, I'm standing up again today. Simply because experience has shown it to be possible.

Anyway, I'm finally done with Harry Potter! Time to move on to the stack of new books waiting for me...

Fun days

I went to Borders with KC and bought 3 books at a go! So now I'm stuck with 1 half-read library book, 1 half-read Harry Potter book, 1 to-be-borrowed-and-read Harry Potter book, 4 new unread books, 1 unread library books... oh dear! I can't even decide which I want to read first.

Pretending the Harry Potter book is MINE. Actually, I rather have the owl beanie that comes with it.

KIDS- KC can fit into kids sized t-shirts, I kid you not.


The parents on Sunday... tried the crispy chicken floss thick toast at this new Hong Kong cafe near my place... mmm!

Ms Green panda's last green chasoba before India! Take care babe! And we shall go look for another Sakae sushi with the vegetarian menu for more greeness when you're back!

Lazing on a Sunday morning

The contentment remains. =)

So it's Sunday again, the end of the week, time does fly. It's a seemingly ordinary Sunday morning, but it's not any other Sunday morning either.

I was awakened early by Liza, who was preparing to go to church. As she got changed, we chatted while I lazed in bed. Laughed, as she asked me if her clothes matched, like I always ask her if I look fine just before going out. I suggested different colours to go with her skirt, or wearing my white skirt instead. She asked me if I wanted to try her new conditioner... girl talk. I like girl talk.

After she left, I continued to bum around. It's Sunday, it's the maid's day off, it's my day of rest, being alone in the room. No running this morning- i've promised myself a break. I simply alternated between reading and falling asleep. And it felt nice. Everytime I felt like I was ready to get my butt off the bed and wake up, I wound up cuddling up under my blanket, for more reading, dreaming, peace. I just didn't want to get out of bed, and I was perfectly happy to let myself laze. =)

Who cares about sleeping 7 hours a day, it's Sunday!

I ended up taking out my golden box- a box filled with letters, cards, and other random articles which hold memories. I reread some of the mail I received while I was in NYC, and a revelation made my day. I thought I couldn't bring myself to look back on New York. No matter how much of it was wonderful, the darkness of the last couple of weeks seemed to overshadow everything, ruin it. Such that I thought I'd never want to think about New York, being away. But this morning, rereading those words, I realized it's not true. There were so many more happy memories, things to remember New York by... now that my perspective has been somewhat fixed, tbe bad parts seems so small, insignificant. I'm grateful for the experience of NYC, I miss NYC, I want to remember NYC. =) And the warm fuzzy feeling that while I was gone, there were people who cared.

And how much I care for all of them too. (yes, my dear ones, know that I love you!)

It's not any other Sunday morning, it's a good Sunday morning. Boring, but nice.

Yesterday was great too. I had a great time helping out with a charity card booth along Wisma, then dinner, and shopping with the parents. And oh, I decided I couldn't bare the discomfort of having my hair covering my face anymore, and showed my parents the new earhole, figuring that they'll find out anyway. ANd they weren't pissed, yay.

This is my happy drug.

I sound like an overly high Energizer bunny nowadays, don't I?

Green Day!

Meet Ms Green Finger...(aka Green Panda aka Yellow pineapple)
...and Ms Zara Green...
... and their green food- mini chasoba (really mini), seaweed sushi, big chasoba (yumyumyum) and green apple + celery juice!
Guess what happened after slacking in front of a green board...
...no, I didn't buy new green earrings...

I pierced the top of my left ear!

I'm still in absolute disbelief... I never thought I will do a piercing there. In fact, Manda was contemplating whether to do a second piercing at the top of her ear and I was saying that I personally find that girls tend to look slightly (make that very very very very very slightly, now that I've got one too) less feminine when they spot such piercings. She went ahead anyway... and somehow, I was tempted to pierce a 4th earhole on my right earlobe, until the sales assistant told me that it would involve piercing a hole through some bone at the back of my ear and I chickened out. So, we left the shop...

... but the urge to get a new piercing remained. And 5 minutes later, I declared that I wanted to pierce the top of my ear too! (Just found out it's called the Helix of the human ear) So much freaking out over piercing through the back of my bone and infections (for the record, it barely hurt). Now, I've a hole right through my bone, and it'll take 6 months to heal. AND it's really hot now, but I don't dare to tie up my hair... my mum will freak out if she sees the new stud, as she did with my 3rd earhole.

When I said it was an urge, I meant a huge, burning compulsion. I've no idea why, but everytime something major happens in my life, I would end up getting my ears pierced. Randomly, on a whim, for no good reason at all. Perhaps it's a mild form of self harming. Or maybe, I just feel the need to leave a mark to remember the event by. I don't know, but I swear I'm not piercing my ears ever again... or I might end up with a earful of holes by the time I'm a 70 (y)ear old granny who is finally done with all the ups and downs of life, haha.

Just two days ago, I told a good friend over dinner that I rarely do things on impulse. That even if I wanted to do something strange/dumb/quirky/insane/etcetcetc, I would plan it out first. Because I like control in my life, self-control. And today, I just realized that those rules don't apply to all the holes in my ears- all sheer impulse! I think that's the only exception to the rule...

wait, I think shopping might just be another exception!

Enough about ears. (Manda, now I think we have a thing about ears, but you'll probably give me a earful if I spill it out here eh?)

Manda Panda's going to India for 10 days... babe, I'm going to miss you!!! =(

Ray, quick come back from Germany, I'm dying of boredom and I want to play Chinese Chess!

Oh, I bought The Undercover Economist today, can't wait to start reading it once I'm done with Living Brands. (I'm really becoming a nerd, how unbecoming!)

Awhile back, I didn't think all these was possible. The relief is amazing. I hope it lasts. =)

The Bookworm Phase (Nerd in the making?)

A trip to Borders/Kinokuniya/Library@Orchard made me a happy girl today!

Deciding that I was (mentally) sick of being (physically) sick and cooped up at home, I headed down to Orchard in the afternoon. And so, I spent the day browsing books at book stores... and all of a sudden, there're so many books tempting my purse strings! Just from the business section along, I came across The Tipping Point, Freakonomics, Quirkology, The Starbucks Story etcetcetc... I pretty much freaked myself out by the number of books I flipped open, and actually started reading, like... erm, Network Marketing (still didn't get what that is though.)

All of a sudden, it feels like there're so many books in the world I should have read, and I haven't read!

So I headed to Library@Orchard, which proved to be yet another out-of-body experience. I parked myself at the non-fiction half of the library... first the Business Section, then Psychology, then the Health section... and looked at books on Obsessive Compulsive Disorders, Moods, Finance etcetcetc... and realizing I couldn't possibly borrow so many books, ended up sitting there for two hours to finish reading a book. And that's not all...

Recently, I borrowed one of those dumb-blonde-chick-flicks-frivolous-girly-shophaholic-type-usually-pink books in an attempt to cure myself from the sore throat misery. I've only read half of it (and it is pretty hilarious)... but just now, I dumped it straight into the book drop so that I could borrow something as boring interesting boring interesting as Living Brands.

Goodness, this must be the consequence of being unemployed, sick, and bored. Right now, I feel like I could park my butt at the library and catch up on all the reading every single day... but who knows, I might wake up tomorrow, pick up Living Brands, and wonder what on earth was I thinking!

But honestly, I don't think so. I think I just rediscovered the nerd in me pleasure in reading. And, my cold actually feels much better from all those books, haha. =)

Oh well, I didn't get the job with Apple. Another job interview on Thursday... it's damn far from my place, but I seriously need something to do, better to be bored and earning money, then bored and spending money. If not... it's the library!

And I've a new hobby... grocery shopping! I don't believe it, but I actually volunteer to do the groceries for my family nowadays (well, and drag my maid along with me, since I can't differentiate fresh and rotten fruits/veg/meat for nuts). And I actually find myself enjoying it... and spending ages walking round and round, comparing the different brands, prices, nutrition etcetcetc, even when I'm not planning on buying any of them. And today, just before going home, I decided to go to Marketplace@Paragon for a short walk... it sells loads of interesting stuff!

I must be weird. When will I stop developing strange strange quirks?!

And Manda, I'm absolutely looking forward to Friday, despite the dreaded trip to S _ _.... because it's Green Day! Most must be wondering wth is Green Day, but let's save it for another day. =)

Sick

SIGH. Sore throat.

There was a period of time, some two months ago, when I went to bed each night hoping with all my might that I would wake up ill the next day. That has passed, and now, just when things are looking up, I've a sore throat. Two days and the pain is still here. I can't sleep anymore, and yet I don't feel up to doing much.

And I can't run. There goes the effort of the past 3 weeks.

After trying to sleep/ watch weird TV shoes/ read, I decided that I had enough of throat-misery, and decided to cheer myself up with a new blog template. Well, it's not particularly new- ripped off my New York City blog... but I've always liked that entire layout, its colour, fonts and all. Whatever pleases me. I had to edit out the irrelevant parts of the NYC templates, including deleting all the pictures of the sidebar under the Life@NYC & Singaporean Cravings headers... it's not like the other blog is gone, but it made me strangely sad. It felt like I was making a final cut, cutting NYC out of my present life. Oh well. There were pretty memories, ugly memories, all memories. Things to be grateful for, things to be regretful about, many many things.

Upon reading that my mum doesn't allow me to buy Kelloggs cornflakes, my friend decided to buy me a BIG box from NTUC, much to my amusement... but it's so big, how on earth am I going to hide it from my mum?

Anyway, feeling quite shitty from the sore throat, I dumped it on my desk before lying down to rest on my bed. A few minutes later...

Maid: Your mummy is home! Quick, hide your cornflakes.

Me: *thinks* I'm too sick to care if she sees it. I'm so sick. She won't scold me. I don't care. I don't want to move. I'm not moving.

Mum (outside my door): Chengwei, mummy's home. How are you? Open the door.

Maid: You ah.... *shoves box of cornflakes under the desk before opening the door.'

I love my maid. She's sick too and we share a room. Hope we don't make each other more sick.

Well, just to add some colour to the post, photos from Pet's Birthday. The theme was 'seven' and I did stick to the theme by wearing exactly 7 things (although es would count a pair of earrings and a pair of shoes as 2 things each, and insist it's 9 things.)

Mini-A15 class reunion - Weixiang, To, Petrina, Estelle, Christina, Me, Engsiang

This is the pretty birthday girl, Petrina. So many memories. Being transferred from A14 to A15 together in J1 / two equally tall girls who can literally see eye to eye / Thomson-YCK dwellers who take 855 home from school / Perfect pal to share biscuits with- she would eat only the icing of the biscuit, while I would eat only the base. (You know those biscuits with bright colourful icings on top?) Ahh. I miss Pet.

Happy thoughts

I have happy thoughts in my head today, and decided they deserve to be recorded down. They're probably really small things to most, but sometimes, the simplest things make me happy, for no reason at all. =)

So starting from yesterday...
I woke up in a pretty foul mood. Tired, irritable, fearful, anxious, stressed. When I was done with topping up my EZ Link at YCK, I was terribly afraid of screwing up upon reaching home. This might sound crazy, but I decided to take a 30 minute walk home under the hot sun instead, and called Qy to talk for awhile. I was drenched in sweat by the time I got home, but after a shower... I was amazingly calm, and confident that I would get through the day. And I've been feeling pretty good until now!

Qy came over to my place in the afternoon... and we ended up watching Living with Lydia. A part of me was thinking, 'wth?! I can't believe I'm watching this.', but the other part just couldn't stop laughing! We laughed, and laughed, and laughed. And played 'daidi' with my brother, and laughed. Laughing can be really nice sometimes.

Went down to town for a meeting with the Health and Fitness committee in the evening. Well, I never got to know the committee very well, especially after being away for half a year, but it was surprisingly nice to see everyone again. Somehow, the company made me feel myself. As I made silly remarks (as I always do :S), chatted on and on... I saw the old part of me.

My mum came to pick me up, and we stopped for fruit juice on the way home (Manda: I HAD GREEN APPLE CELERY JUICE for $2!!! hehe). She caught me by surprise when she asked, 'Do you think you'll ever get married?'... but I ended up telling her many things, things I always thought a parent should never know. But I talked anyway, we talked, laughed... I'm such a mummy's girl sometimes, but I've to say, my mum's an amazing woman. I'm so thankful I called her for help when I was in New York- After my deepest, darkest secret was out, it feels like there's nothing much more to hide. Or rather, I might as well not hide.

And now, this morning...

I ran in and out of upper pierce, twice! I'm pretty sure I must have covered at least 8-9km...yay. I was half regretting it during the second run, but the satisfaction at the end is always great. And the cool weather really helped! Just thinking of the breeze against my face makes me pretty sure of a good day today. :)

In New York, I missed all the food in Singapore, so damn much... but when I'm back, I miss my NYC staples! Like Aunt Jeminah's Frozen Waffles... and it was so exciting when I discovered that it's sold at Plaza Singapura! Yep, I bought it... and this morning, I heated up two pieces for my brother (that idiot woke up late, skipped school, and forgot to wake me up to run.)... and he said it was nice! It's not like I literally made the waffles from scratch... but making breakfast for my brother made put me in an unusually good mood. Maybe it's the comforting thought that 'Sometimes, I can be a nice sister'. haha. Or maybe I just love feeding people around me.

And I need to find some good ciabatta bread...I used to love those at Delifrance, but after NYC, I've decided that they just don't make the cut!

Finally... this is absolutely ridiculous, but I had my favourite Kellogg's Cornflakes with Cafe 21 instant coffee this morning! I know, I've strange eating habits... but I can't help it that I love dipping my cornflakes into coffee. It makes perfectly logical sense to me... I don't drink milk at all, so what's the next best thing to soak cereal in? Coffee! Yum Yum Yum. I wish I could have this for breakfast, lunch, dinner. (except that my mum will kill me- I've no idea why, but she just refuses to let me buy cornflakes. When I buy them, I've to hide them in my room, which makes me feel like... a sneaky kid hiding stolen junk food. :s)

Did I say this already? Sometimes, the simplest, smallest things make me happy. Quirky, but that's just me.

Let me remember this feeling of contentment. To help me keep going.

ARGH

IT FEELS IMPOSSIBLE SOMETIMES.

ahhh, now I feel more calm.

Fishy business

I spent most of the day writing a letter to QY today, and for some strange, I started writing about fishes, and I discovered, maybe my fishes may not be that irrational after all.

For those who are unaware, I'm really weird when it comes to fishes. I HATE FISHES. Seeing dead fishes freak me out. When I accompany my mum to the wet market/cold storage, I would help her carry anything except all the fish which she buys. Whenever I eat at Chinese restaurants where they display the fishes which are about to land on our plates in big fish tanks, I get scared seeing the fishes stare at me. I think fishes are ugly, I hate their slimy skin, their scales, their eyes, their tails. And I would never touch a fish. I haven't gone to the extremes of avoiding swimming in the sea (not that I actually like it), but in the rare occasions that I do, I've this morbid fear that a fish might come along and brush against my feet or something. I don't think I will ever try scuba diving because the thought of seeing fishes all around me scares me. Being in a tub full of fishes is my greatest nightmare. And I hate eating (most) fishes. And fish skin. If my spoon accidentally touches the fish skin, I've this compulsion to get a new spoon, because it's just so slimy. I hate it when my mum tries to make me eat fish. The more she says 'Try this fish, it's very fresh, not fishy at all!', the more I think it has a weird taste. omg, especially those RED fishes, ewwwwww.

Having said that... I LOVE EATING SASHIMI. Considering my fish phobia, it's really bizarre that I absolutely love raw salmon. I don't understand it myself.

Anyway, back to rationalizing my hatred for fishes. I've really had quite a lot of traumatic experience with fishes... traumatic to me, at least.
(1) When we were young, my brother and I used to catch small fishes from the drain and put them into jars, unaware of the fact that the fishes will inevitably die due to tap water/lack of dissolved oxygen. And I always hated it when I woke up the next morning to find the fishes dead.
(2) You know how fishes turn upside down when they're dead? I've seen my fishes dying a few times, the way they start flipping, and end up upside down. That freaks me out.
(3) While I was kayaking during OBS, I discovered a dead fish in the kayak, at my feet. And that was hours into our journey... who knows how long it could have been there!
(4) My grandparents keep fishes. Once, I was at the fish tank when this fish jumped out at me and landed on the floor. And I freaked out while everyone was trying to catch the fish and save it's life, and it kept flipping on the floor, struggling. I avoided looking at the fish tank at my grandparents' place every since.
(5) When my brother was young, he used to eat fish eyeballs, chewing them in front of me. Eww.
(6) All the fishes we've ever kept in our house (I hate it that we keep fishes, even if they're in the pond and I can't see them) never live for long. One just died two days ago.
(7) I think I've choked on fish bones a few times. (then again, who hasn't?)

For someone who is so afraid of fishes, I've a lot to say about them.

My poor future kids (if I ever have any). They'll probably be pretty deprived of something as healthy as eating fish because their mother is afraid of buying them at the market. They probably would never watch Finding Nemo or have Nemo soft toys, or Nemo bed sheets (omg, if I had Nemo bedsheets as a kid, I'm sure I wouldn't dare to sleep on my bed every night). They can't keep fishes as pets even if they wanted to. And if their art homework involves drawing fishes, I wouldn't help them. (yes, we had to do a some 'underwater collage' in primary school, and my mum did all the fish bits... all I did was paint the blue sea.) But I think I'll teach them that nursery rhyme about fishes, the one that goes '1,2,3,4,5... once I called a fish alive...6,7,8,9,10...then I let it go ago again...', simply because it was one of my favourite songs as a kid! (yet another eccentricity, or perhaps it's because the song involves being angry at a fish.)

Enough about fishes! (I just went to the kitchen to check, whew, no fish for dinner tonight!)

I know. I can be weird. But we all have our little quirks, and this is mine!

Slothhood

The next time someone asks me, 'What do you major in?', the answer's going to be 'Procrastination. BBA (hons), procrastination)

I know I said something about giving myself things to do, but... let's just say I spent half the day trying to do a publicity write-up for my cca, trying being the keyword... I ended up reading BusinessWeek online. Whenever I try to do work, everything but the work in question seems to become so interesting... like reading every word in The Straits Times, BusinessWeek, and blogs.

I don't know if it's P _ _ _ A _, but I definitely feel so much more hope now. Well, at least, this very moment, right now, I feel that some of the old bits of myself I missed are coming back. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. Surviving through TSP tomorrow will mark a small step, since I gave myself 3 days after the last screw up. And I will, I must, I will... one day at a time girl, I'll think about Monday tomorrow. =)

So life feels better. I've been able to catch up with friends- Charmaine on Monday, Manda, Elayne and Pepper (my terrible twin, after so long!) yesterday evening... and tonight, the Hwachongians at Pet's 21st birthday party. I must say, I was relaxed, I enjoyed myself, and I wasn't thinking about anything, yay. Oh, and it was really a night of reunion with long lost friends. Long ago, I saw a picture of Pet with my primary school classmate, Yalan, and tonight, I met her! And, this girl suddenly asked me if I was from Fairfield Primary... I totally couldn't recognize her, but the moment she said, 'I'm zhi ni', I remembered that she was the smartest girl class! And it was really exciting, because Weixin (my JC classmate, whom I discovered was my primary school classmate only in J2) was around, so I gathered both of them to say hi. Part of me is amused that zhi ni actually recognized me, but the greater part of me is mortified that (1) I look the same (2) she remembers me as the girl who couldn't pronounce 'spelling'. (really?!)

Oh, lazyiness saved my day today. I meant to wake up at 7am for a run, but being the pig that I've recently turned into, switched the alarm off... and ten minutes later, it started pouring. Imagine if I really went out for a run! So I ran after the rain instead, at 12 noon. And for the first time in a long time, it felt nice. Ahhh, must be the weather. =)

Life will get better, but only I can help myself. One day, I know I will look back, and be grateful for my mum constantly trying to knock some sense into me.

I can do this

Screwed up again. But it's okay, shoo negative thoughts. Three days at a time. I told my maid, 'Ask me how is it on Sunday when you get back from your off-day.' That should be motivation enough to last.

Just finished running. :)

Photos!

Lynn, Darren, Ray and I met up at Settlers just the other day. My first time there, I love Settlers!

Sore losers...

...happy winners.

I don't know what's with me. I'm into all kinds of games now - board games, bridge, 'tai-di', minesweeper flags, chess...and Charmaine just reminded me of this 'waitressing game' on Yahoo Games which I used to play, think I'll start on it again tonight...

This morning, while reading Life, I thought to myself , 'All I do is (1) Waste time (2) Spend money (3) Watch shows (4) Eat.' And I knew today will turn out the same way, so I might as well make someone happy while doing all four... I turned to my maid and asked, 'How long has it been since you watched a movie in Singapore, let's go out for lunch and catch a movie, my treat!' Yay, so here's Liza and I, and out lunch.

...and we watched Transformers together! I quite enjoyed it, except for the last bits, where the fighting dragged on so long I was ready to fall asleep. Anyway, I'm glad she had fun, and managed to buy a shirt she liked at AMK Hub. =)

I just made another decision- If I'm going to bum, I might as well move my bum when there's absolutely nothing to do, and hopefully get fit sooner. The weather's pretty good right now, here goes my second run of today!

Lazy part of the brain: ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You already ran this morning.

Not so lazy part of the brain: Go me go!

Even lazier part of the brain: You're going to change your mind about all these tomorrow!

Not so lazy part of the brain: Heck tomorrow, for now.

Bored BUM

I feel like a completely useless, lazy, rotting BUM when everyone else is working or doing internships. I feel like time is slipping, slipping through my hands.

I just applied for a job with IRO yesterday, simply because I'm sick of wasting my time. I don't even know what period the job covers, or when it starts (lousy NUS job site doesn't even say anything)... so who knows, it may be during term time and I may be stuck juggling work/school. But anyhow, if I don't hear from them anytime soon, I'm giving myself things to do:

(1) Write my SEP report (Groan factor: =( )
(2) Plan my USP Advance curriculum / ISMs (Groan factor: =(=(=(=(=(=(...)
(3)Take part in either the CIM Marketing Competition or Weber Shandwick PR Competition (Groan factor: =( )
(4) Continue to run every morning (Brother woke me up at 6:30am this morning and I ran *pats self*) (Groan factor: =( =( )

Actually, I do have stuff to do, but as usual, I procrastinate. Which totally explains why I'm running off now, treating to lunch/movie since I'm bored! (and she totally deserves it, I feel)

Something wrong with blogger!

Blogger doesn't allow me to post pictures! So annoyed.

I spent the night re-reading people's old blog posts, my old blog posts. I realized, there was almost never a time when I was completely happy. So why should I expect anything different now? I've had this shit, that shit, weird shit... mostly in the mind, so now, what's the big deal?

Sigh. I screwed up all weekend. I don't know understand how I manage to do things, know that I'm going to hurt myself and regret it all in a few moments, but do it anyway, simply because... I don't know what else to do for that moment. And yes, this is with regards to TSP. It's been no more than small this weekend, but ahhh, one step at a time, one bite at a time, it's Monday tomorrow, new week, new start.

And I don't understand WHY THE HELL I CAN'T EAT THREE MEALS A DAY, like normal people do. Singapore's killed my complexion, and the biscuits aren't helping. Shoo biscuits shoo, get out of my way! In fact, anything remotely heaty should disappear from my face before I start looking like a monster.

On the brighter side, yay, I ran all week. I can't say I enjoy it very much anymore... when you're unfit and flabby, it feels like such a chore. Nevertheless, I ran to the reservoir today, and while running by the water, I felt, for a brief moment, what I used to feel - the bliss to be running with the wind against my face, the calm of the water, and nothing else matters. Brother's going to wake me up again tomorrow, (*major groan*), go me go! I'll treat myself to a cup of coffee if I run tomorrow.

To my dearest Panda friend- Rereading my old blog, your old blog, really brought back so many happy memories. I just wanted you to know that I really admire you for everything you are, your strength... and am grateful for your friendship, your support, just for being there and listening to me grouse, even if my grousings these days surrounds the same old thing. I know I have to get through this, because... when the next exams ends, we need to hit town happily together again yea? Re-reading everything just reminded me of how important you were/are to my life, and that I need to be strong, simply because, I want to be a friend to you too, the same friend. =) This week shall officially be Panda week (shall put it in my hp!), shall try not to screw up. If you know who you are, drop me a msg to remind me yea? =)

I want to post pictures of my meetup with Lynn, Darren and Ray at Settlers! Ugh, stupid Blogger. I love Settlers. I wish I could go there everyday, all the fun will probably solve most of my worries.