One more day to new year, one more week to New York City...

For the longest time, I thought this was exactly what I wanted for myself - pack up, go somewhere new, find some excitement and independence and what-not. But right now, I'm just dreading next Sunday...

Life feels so hectic when it's all about packing, unpacking, repacking... these days, I don't even like shopping anymore - can't buy my normal clothing since I'm already having a big headache choosing the clothes I want to bring, keep looking for warm clothings, pants, vacumn packs, gloves, thermal wear...

On Thursday, I went to Spageddies to return my uniform / collect my pay... and all of a sudden, I regretted quiting. Well, circumstances doesn't leave me with much of a choice, but I felt a tinge of sadness when people started saying bye to me. I was not really close to any of my colleagues the second time I worked there... too many new faces. But I realized, there has come to be a sense of familiarity with the place, the people... I don't talk to many people, but I'll still miss them... and some of my younger colleagues are really so adorable! Like Kaifeng and Zoey, who immediately told me 'Zara now got sale' the moment they saw me. I still remember Kaifeng asked me if there was a Zara in New York when I told her I was leaving! Chef Andrew gave me a good luck handshake before I left that day... which felt inexplicably depressing and comforting at the same time. And I realized I haven't seen Sebas around the restaurant for the longest time... I've always been terribly fearful of him, but I would have liked to say bye anyway. In fact, I would have liked to say bye to everyone, but it was getting quite busy, so I just walked out...

I still remember my first day at work... I looked forward to it so much, but within the first hour of work, I thought to myself, 'Shit, why the hell do I want to do this... stand for hours, hold so many dirty plates, dont' know anyone, don't know what to say to anyone...' And I would wash my hands whenever I touched a plate! I think everyone found me very stuck up because I kept to myself all the time... I just wasn't used to the company.

I thought I was all ready to quit one week into the job, but I'm thankful I didn't...For I learnt so much working there. And met so many people... and a few who changed my life forever.

Hello on Christmas Day...

Oh my, the SMS I just received totally put a big wide grin on my face... A Christmas greeting from dearest Pepper, all the way from York! Thanks girl, I miss you... =)

A few days ago, after many reminders from my mum, I finally got down to packing the shelves in my room... I'm amazed by how much rubbish I've managed to collect over the years. I threw away three thrash bags full of stuff, ranging from receipts, programme booklets, my NYGH uniform which has already turned a ghastly shade of yellow, vouchers which have expired for years... and I couldn't quite decide which was more stressful - studying for exams or sorting the massive amount of things I own... I would have liked to reread all my old letters, especially those from Qy, but there was no time, so I just stuffed them all into a humongous plastic bag for safekeeping with Ray while I'm away (accidental rhyme!). That leaves me with my clothes to pack and put aside... I don't even want to think about how that would be.

I've been meeting many people over the past few days - dinner at Crystal Jade with Qy...shopping around town and talking about movies with KC...and yet another dinner with Qy as well as Cheeyang and Wexiang, my old friends from Hwachong. I haven't spoken to Wx in ages, but I found myself having lots to say... after dinner, we ended up standing in a carpark and talking for another hour or so (didn't want to pay anymore parking!), followed by a nice long conversation over Msn later that night... having chicken floss prata for supper with Ray... and Es is back too! haha, he called me up the morning he landed and said, 'Lets go for lunch right now.' ... it's amazing how I can feel so completely myself and happy talking to someone I effectively see only twice a year (along with all the rest of the friends overseas). And a visit to Elayne's place- not a very exciting 23rd despite grand plans because the poor girl sprained her ankle, but it was nice sitting around her room talking anyway.

Today, I met Ray for an X'mas breakfast at Yakun... and I discovered their french toast, which is even yummier than their kaya toast! ...and then slacking with dear Manda at Starbucks... food again - Starbucks' Uglier Chicken Curry Puff (I kid you not, that's the actual name of their curry puff) is really damn nice.... and just chilling and talking... until we got bored and played the 2-dollar game. Basically, we had to find a gift under $2 to buy for each other within 2 minutes... she got me a correction tape shaped in a chocolate bar, very very cute. =) ... and I came home early, so I had sufficient time to read a book, read the newspapers, have dinner with my family, play the piano, write to Qy... I wish everyday was like that.

More people to meet this week- biz friends, clubbing with my favourite HC girls, Linli whom I haven't seen since Images, gilbert, Kelvin... there're many things I'd want to do in New York, but I don't think I'd have so many people to meet...

And it's Boxing day tomorrow, I swear I'll start packing...

=..(

It takes me forever to remember anything in my textbooks...

but I'm too easily reminded of everything else.

Goodnight.

wow...

...I was driving through Orchard Road last night, and the feeling was simply amazing... when you see an entire street lit up with rows after rows of lights right in front of your windscreen, the traffic jam doesn't matter at all. (and it gives you time to take pictures from inside the car, haha).
Cute X'mas tree at Island Creamery.And my friends from Oxford are back! With Pet and Sheryl at TCC...
...and Catchew!

Thanks Alvin for completing my Zara collection...

Bad news first- I've been sick the past 2 days. I hate my throat.

Despite being sick, I decided to meet up with Alvin, whom I haven't seen in eons...my nose was really dying, but it was a great afternoon, just sitting in an empty cafe, talking to an old friend ...and he bought me something from Zara! I've a million shirts from Zara, so I was half afraid that I'd have to disappoint him if it was something I already had... but when I unwrapped the package...

tadaa! It was the shirt I wanted to get 2 months ago but couldn't find the right size!
... now my collection is completed, yay!

This is to ALVINo Lobster- Thanks so much for the shirt and blueberry strudel... really, I was quite touched. And I still feel damn bad... remember to let me know all the stuff you want from NYC, will definitely try my best to get them for you. =) Man, times really flies, I still can't believe that I was 19 when I first knew you, but now you're turning 19... but one thing hasn't changed, you still talk as much rubbish as ever, hahaha. Let's have prata and get fat at least once before I fly yea...

Holidays...

Few would know this, but if there's anything about nature that I enjoy looking at- it's trees. I know zilch about them, but I started liking to look at trees ever since I visted Fraser Hill and spent an afternoon walking alone. Anyway, I love Christmas trees too... too bad we don't bother putting up X'mas trees at home anymore.

Last night, I decided to take some pictures of pretty Xmas trees... I really think Paragon always has the pretties X'mas trees! And apparantly, those things hanging off the silver tree at the back are swarovski crstals...how pretty. Met up with Pet today! It was a good afternoon, just walking around J8, looking at random cute stuff... and settling down at Cafe Cartel to catch up on each other's lives. We've all moved on after JC, new lives, new schools, new friends. But old friends always feel the same, and I'll always miss Pet, my tall friend.

Last night, I couldn't sleep... until about 5am this morning, sigh. I need to find a way to switch off my brain, and concentrate on enjoying the holidays.

many many thoughts

...all swirling round and round my head, and I can't believe I can blog about so many things these days. Must be the glorious post exam syndrome.

I read some of my old entries today, for the first time. And guess what I found - I can't believe I ever asked Steven to pass me BLUE KETCHUP. I almost forgot I've ever said such a dumb thing.

Okay, I just had a funny conversation with Adrian-this is for Linda to read-

hope to master these three words "" says:
one is zara supporter , the other is mango supporter
i hope to master these three words "" says:
i had a gd laugh when i see her friendster this morning, mango teo
Chengwei says:
haha
Chengwei says:
now then u know?
Chengwei says:
tt's why we can go shopping together
i hope to master these three words "" says:
ya la
i hope to master these three words "" says:
no wonder
i hope to master these three words "" says:
actually both of u shopping save time
i hope to master these three words "" says:
u know why
i hope to master these three words "" says:
just need to go two shops, zara and manago
i hope to master these three words "" says:
hee hee
Chengwei says:
HAHA
i hope to master these three words "" says:
what is your sir name
Chengwei says:
lee
i hope to master these three words "" says:
zara lee
i hope to master these three words "" says:
hi zara lee

And I can't believe myself, as usual. I told Steven I'll work next Wednesday. I never seem to be able to keep my resolve. Sigh, I guess somewhere deep down in my heart, I know that I don't really want to leave because I'm so used to it after waitressing for 2 years. And any other temporary jobs that come after that will probably have to be office jobs, or I'd never find a job when I graduate - imagine being chained to a desk 24/7! I much rather be clearing those dirty plates.

But, I definitely need to leave that place soon, once and for all... before work eats up my last days in Singapore which I really want to spend with all the people that matter most, before I lose my mind from smiling like an idiot everyday. Any longer, I think I'd be able to differentiate every single tile on the Spageddies floor. I swear I'm going to say I'm not free if Steven calls to ask me to work more next week.

I forgot to mention, I saw the loveliest trench coat at Zara yesterday... looks so warm and comfortable... most importantly, it's black, so I can use it with anything I wear... sigh, I don't know if it's worth buying when I'm already spending so much on exchange. If anyone feels like he has 200 bucks to spare, I could do with a useful Christmas present, haha.

Retail Therapy

Well...no longer can anyone say, 'huh, you haven't been to Vivocity?' (Though I don't really know whether that means 'Everyone has been there, I can't believe you haven't!' or 'You're such a shopaholic, how is it possible you haven't visited the latest biggest mall.')...

Visited the place with Linda today... I must say, Singaporeans must really love to shop for anyone to build such a huge mall... that place is like shopping under one roof! There's practically every single store I can think of, or at the least, 99% of the stores I usually patronize. And I don't think we even covered everything... in fact, I think it's a tad too big, felt pretty lost walking round and round... and TIRED. But it was fun anyway, shopping around with a fellow shopaholic and trying on clothes, chatting, taking pictures like tourists... speaking of which, we both find Crocs completely awful (really don't understand how anyone with a reasonable sense of fashion can walk around in those plastic looking things)... and I was just really amused that Linda was so disgusted by the huge Crocs outlet at Vivocity that she had to take a photo of it, haha.

Sigh, I'm feeling terribly poor after spending money today... oh well, at least I'm a happy owner of a new pair of cool black heels to replace my favourite pair that suddenly started dropping off my feet :(... admittedly, a complete impulse buy, but I was seriously in need of some good old retail therapy today... which I got, thanks Linda for the great company, was really in the crappiest of moods the whole time before meeting ya. We'll hit Orchard one day and have carbonara at Spageddies yea? =)

I just realized that tonight marks my last in my PGP room... which looks nothing like the pictures now because I can't be bothered with it anymore, and have been throwing things on the floor, haha. And just maybe, my last night in PGP, if I can bear the thought of travelling to school everyday. I'm totally looking forward to living at home again, but there's always this tinge of reluctance each time I move out. After all, this is my room, every postcard stuck on the wall, every poster, the little Eeyore staring at me, my pretty pink bed sheets, the little notes I stick up on the notice board over throughout the semesters... bye bye room.

Mindless ranting ahead- I never knew what was happening, I don't know what is going to happen and I don't know what the hell is happening now. BUT my guards are up. Refuse to go down the same path again.

Sigh, I don't feel like going to work tomorrow... but it might very well be my last day...

My poor feet and tired mind needs rest before work.

It's one of those days...

By right, I should be writing about being glad to go back to work @ Paragon today, where I can just switch off the part of my brain that deals with mugger-type information and just work... or about a happy Kbox session with Qy, Vi, Kai and the funny feeling I got when I sang New York New York (terribly), or how I'm feeling pleased to be wearing my shirt that spells ZARA right across the front and my favourite earrings (yes, it makes me happy because I've been wearing crap through exams)...

But I can't do it. I don't feel like writing about happy things, because... I just don't feel like it.

Well, Kbox did make me feel way better, thanks to good company who sing good songs. I just wasn't at my cheeriest, and it doesn't help that I happen to like sad songs. And I mean, sad songs.

This is when I wish I bothered to keep a private blog, a diary, whatever. All I can say for now is - I can't believe I still fall prey to such superficiality, and I might as well be invisible. It's been such a long drawn affair, and I should know better (by now.) WHY IS IT SO DAMN HARD.

Sigh, it's just one of those days when everything feels bleak, one of those days that never last... what I need now is to go for a short run, take a nice long shower, and then settle down to write a long letter to Qy. And there's shopping with Linda at Vivocity tomorrow. I'll be better soon.

It's going to be my last few days living alone in hostel. I want to hide beneath my blanket in a corner of the room, and think about everything there ever is to think about.

Slacking and musing... (all guiltlessly)

Ooooo, Power 98 is playing Downtown, seems so apt to hear it now, considering I'm still feeling rather satisfied from finally stepping into Orchard Road yesterday...

When you're alone and life is making you lonely / You can always go - downtown /When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry /Seems to help, I know - downtown /Just listen to the music of the traffic in the city /Linger on the sidewalk where the neon signs are pretty /How can you lose?

...but it wrecks up old memories, some faded away, some not-so-faded away. I think it's the consumerist whore in me, but I remember listening to this song a lot when I decided that the concept of being happy was merely, a choice to make. That I should stop acting like the world was crumbling down, when my world was really... luckier than many worlds. Little places in town, some of my favourite places, only that I could never quite bring myself to go to ever since, and perhaps, never again. Quarrelling with my Dad, then heading straight downtown to buy a new shirt, change straight into it, then settling down to read a book at coffee bean for the rest of the day, alone. Sobbing in a carpark, but a strawberry milkshake that made the day almost fine, but set 365 other days spinning. A year ago, I was in town almost everyday, sometimes with friends, sometimes to work, sometimes to find you, sometimes, just alone because I felt like it. A year ago, I was a completely different person. More than a year ago, even more different - I think I've lost that part of me for good, or maybe, it's what we call growing up.

Oh shit. Having too much time on hand makes me ramble mindlessly.

Sigh, it's a Sunday and I'm stuck in PGP - but at least, the gloriousness of 'no more papers!' more than makes up for the boredom. Today was great in a lazy way, waking up at noon, almost too lazy to even eat my lunch, taking hours before I finally dragged my lazy butt down to do my laundry, surfing the net aimlessly... tennis with Vi in the evening (very embarassing because I can barely hit any balls now), running with Qy at Westcoast park, deciding to run the long way back to PGP because there's nothing better to do... taking the time to walk out to eat better food at NUH, simply because... there's no longer the guilt of not spending every single waking moment staring at lecture notes nagging at you... as Manda said yesterday, 'Long time since I can just sit down and not think about assignments and tests.' Ahh, life is good, for now.

And now, having the time to type long blog posts which may not even make any sense! Man, I sound like (and feel like) I've just taken the last exam paper of my life or something. But really, no more exams that matter until a whole year later! Who cares about exams on exchange...

And yet, I feel so busy at the same time, a million things to settle, a million things to do. Go collect Visa, buy warm clothings, pack my luggage early, meet up with this person, that person, with her, with him, with everyone, write Christmas cards, buy Christmas presents, buy all the birthday presents I owe to various people, firm up travel plans, think about what I need to bring, spend time at home... and I think I'm crazy for willingly going back to work at Paragon on Tuesday but well, I kind of miss it. Sigh, I just know that time is going to zoom right past me.

...I think I'll never ever make up for all the sleep debt accumulated over the past weeks. Last night, I refused to sleep until 5am because it felt so amazing that I wasn't staying up to mug that I had to stay up to do random things. It's almost 12 now, I'm sleepy enough to hit the sack right away, but I don't really want to sleep. I think I'll just sit in a corner in my room and read... yay.

Time for Christmas!

The desk during exams...NUS home page, paper to try to redo all my Econs tutorials...

...and desk after exams Staring at my Zara desktop, can go on MSN, new pretty postcards from Borders, new planner for 2007, new travel journal!

...and post-exam fun!

Oh man, I really need to say this at least 10 times- it'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'soverit'sOVER. (I used the copy and paste function, obviously.) *massive sigh of relieft*

I swear I'm never going to put myself through such torture again. 4 papers, 2 days... not that I would ever have done it, if not for the fact that I wanted to clear my modules before exchange. Yesterday was a complete nightmare... as if my brain wasn't saturated enough from weird economics equations, I had to deal with all the accounting policies, bad debt estimates, income statements... oh my goodness, I eventually reached a point when I just didn't know what was going on no matter what I was reading...and the only thing relevant to the Solow Growth Model that actually registered in my brain was that I had in fact reached a steady state, and my knowledge wasn't going to grow anymore even if I increased my rate of study! (Okay, I bet no one understands what on earth I'm rambling about.)

... and I just couldn't sleep because there were so many random pieces of things from here and there that were just floating about in my mind... in fact, I thought I was going to fall sick and wake up with a fever. No fever, but I looked like absolute shit today, guess all the face masks to keep myself awake didn't work after all. Actually, I think I just look like crap during every exam. One of my project groupmates actually gasped when she saw me on tuesday...:s

Once upon a time, I was convinced that I should major in Economics. Today, I left 25 marks of the Econs paper almost completely blank. Oh well, not that I really care. I can't believe I've come to be capable of such apathy, but truth is, it just doesn't seem to be worth the effort these days... and now that exams has ended, SEP seems so close all of a sudden...so many things to settle before I go, all of which I'm too lazy to do. The sense of anticipation that in one months time, it'll be a new place, new sights, new things. And yet, I'm almost dreading it. Why.

Anyway, I don't think I've ever been so excited to go to town before! Must be the result of waking up at 6am everyday and alternating between staring at the window and staring (blankly) at the textbook. Throughout the entire bus ride, I just kept thinking about how I haven't seen the Christmas lights and couldn't even concentrate on reading my novel, haha...

... and indeed, Orchard Road didn't disappoint me, pretty lights, beautiful blue Xmas tree at Paragon, new shopfront at Centrepoint's Timberland, streets teeming with people and mainly because... it was also Manda's last day of exams and there we were again, photowhoring, hopping about Zara, WH, Espirit, Borders... don't think we'll ever get sick of doing those things, right babe? Now we can add settling down at Cafe Cartel to the list!=p In case anyone is wondering, NO, I did not buy anything from Zara... haven't patronized them for so long, but they still have no new stock :(

Sigh, I wish it was Christmas all year round. It's when there're all those lights, songs that make me few happy... perfect ambience to go shopping, which I definitely haven't had enough of, been deprived for too long! And it's when Starbucks / Coffee Bean start selling their various xmas concoctions... ahhh, peppermint caramel mocha is worth putting on 1kg for. It's when I start looking for pretty cards, and think about what to write, what to buy... I'm probably a victim of all the commercialization of the season, happy, willing victim. And there's a song that always captures what I like about the season...

City sidewalks, busy sidewalks.
Dressed in holiday style
In the air
There's a feeling
of Christmas
Children laughing
People passing
Meeting smile after smile
and on every street corner you'll hear
Silver bells, silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring-a-ling, hear them sing
Soon it will be Christmas day
Strings of street lights
Even stop lights
Blink a bright red and green
As the shoppers rush
home with their treasures
Hear the snow crunch
See the kids bunch
This is Santa's big scene
And above all this bustle
You'll hear
Silver bells, silver bells
It's Christmas time in the city
Ring-a-ling, hear them sing
Soon it will be Christmas day

PS: Linda, I don't know why I dreamt we went shopping last night, must be too deprived already...let's go to Vivocity next week, while I'm still about Pee Gee Pee.... haha