' Words Words Words...

...that's all we have to go on.' - Hamlet
(Or was it Rosencrantz and Guildernstern? I forgot.)

Received a big brown envelope in the mail today, with my name scrawled in colourful highlighters, with a little pink heart just above the last letter. (I did it myself, silly me) My essay! I know myself too well to deny the disappointment from dropping a grade, but... well, I deserve it. In fact! It's quite a relief, just that this devil called Expectations loves to tease me.

So this officially marks the end of one of my favourite classes. Despite all the seemingly endless writing, rewriting, and more rewriting, it was a class that made me feel just a bit like the days in HC Humanz still existed, fully understand why we called Mr Burge The Divine One and gave me some friends.

Above all, it illuminated the fact that words can give so much, but I just don't have the gift of words. (And I realized that right words and perfect words have nothing to do with each other.)

Of KBox, Snow Wolf, Italian food, old friends, new friends, postmans, one special star, one penpal

Much as she hates to confess, Chengwei actually has a KBox membership card!

(BUT today's only my second time at KBox!) I swear, I really am not much of a KBox person, it's so not me, I claim to be the lazy slacker at the cafe, getting fat on Frappucinos (which reminds me, someone owes me one! =)...but today's KBox was just as fun as the last time! It's the company I guess, long time since I genuinely had fun, despite all the embarrassment from going off-tune half the time, singing songs we thought we knew but did not really know... and Please Mr Postman totally sent QY and I into fits of laughters, leaving V and W completely bemused, but we're incomprehensible people and only we can comprehend that. I was completely lost throughout all the Chinese songs, Jay Chous and Mandarin R&B (I never knew RnB actually existed in the world of Mandarin songs), but W's rendition of that canto theme from Snow Wolf completely blew me away! Wow, I can only say, Wow! My mum loves that song, and for some strange reason, I actually feel like getting her to listen to him sing it!

Finally, RT and I met up to go back to Spags! On retrospect, the whole episode was quite hilarious. We decided that that we didn't want to go back after all, but I had already bought two big boxes of curry puffs for my friends there, so I practically had to drag her there to drop it off...and when we were there, we saw Snoopie, and decided that we would eat there after all... in fact, we QUEUED to go in, I can't believe I willingly queued outside Spags...when I was a server there, I used to stare at the long queue, silently curse every person who added to it, and wondered why would anybody have such patience in the first place! 'So I thought we said we were not going to eat here?' - we just laughed when we finally settled into one of those comfy booth seats. It was nice to be back! I think I'll always miss working there. But then again, when your life for the past 3 months consisted of writing essays until 8am in the morning, wondering why on earth you are even learning programming, trying to figure out whether you believe in Maslow's Hierachy of Needs theory etcetcetc ... clearing plates, setting tables and making coffee for chefs actually sounds pretty fun!

GN said he saw me running up bus 95 with a guy in Nus, and I finally figured out when that was! Saw A who still calls me Dollface, M who's getting married, PL/LN who're alway so sweet, A.Lim who really looks so nice now that I had to tell him that, A.Teo whom I always thought seemed rather interesting and wished I knew for a longer time, F who told us to serve ourselves (I'd much rather serve myself if I could), and also, W (That wasn't even half a smile but thanks anyway). Sigh, I've missed the place.

But I always feel strange going back. Working there was weird-it changed the way I viewed others, changed the way I viewed myself, tempted me to believe in fate, and made me realize what I most wished to be. I used to stand in there, now I sit in there, but would rather stand- and tonight, for a few moments, I sat on a thought, 'Who would think this place could change someone's life.'

Of sleepless nights

I recall, one sleepless night, a few months back. I told a friend I was going to try keeping a blog as I was bored from all the sleepless nights. And he said, "Yea I should! Longwinded people like us should blog." I typed one miserable post, and decided it just wasn't my cup of tea. The sleepless nights have returned-so I try again.

I amaze myself at times-but you know what? Sleepless nights are stressful... the pre-sleeping stress about not being able to sleep later, the stress of knowing you must fall asleep because you've a major examination/appointment the very next day, the stress from wondering why you just don't go to sleep, the stress from trying so hard to fall asleep...but that's not the worst part. Here's the worst part-

In the darkness of the night, you can't run away from the truth. In the darkness of a sleepless night, you see yourself in a light you've never seen before, and your feel like your thoughts are all out there, illuminated by one single beam of light, in the darkness. You see yourself in a different light, but it casts a dark shadow upon you. (No wonder I can't sleep)

Today, someone said to me, "I can see you like to run a lot."
I replied, "You mean physically run? Or metaphorically?"
"Erm, both."

Strange. But it's time to get fit and run again. And be happy, and smile while I run, I promise. =)

Time to try to sleep again, but not before adding- Christmas is coming! This Christmas, I promise, I promise to let all the special people know how much they mean. And make everyone happy.

'For oft, when on my couch I lie In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.' - Wordsworth