Degeneration

I've truly degenerated. No motivation. No discipline. No control.

I don't like it. I'm supposed to play hard and work enough.

It's a dumb rule I have for myself. A rule I've been breaking.

=)

I woke up to the sound of the rain in the morning. In an attempt to get my butt moving and beat the procrastination, I took a quick shower... and !! I think I shall add showering in the morning to my wake-up routine from now on, along with brush teeh, wash face, put moisturizer, clean earhole, drink a cup of water. (opps, I just realized this is a confession that smelly smelly Chengwei doesn't like showering in the morning - too cold!)

Anyway, I'm feeling happy now. I'm dreading the day ahead, fully expecting myself to fall asleep in class... but inside, my heart is smiling, and I know the day will be fine. Because today is a good day, I just bought something for someone! Oooo can't wait can't wait can't wait. I'm getting poorer, but whatever, I like spending money on myself, people... well, I'm just addicted to spending huh.

Well, I can't spill the beans on who/what/when. So I shall continue in with my secret grinning for the rest of the day.

Oh gosh, why am I so excited! It's not as if I just bought myself something!

Calling for help!

I need to come up with a marketing campaign related to S-League, but I've absolutely no knowledge about soccer beyond the fact that my brothers get into arguments with the parents for playing it too often. So... any kind soccer fan, please read http://www.futurebrand.com/05offices/asia_pacific/singapore/ftasingapore/briefs/pdf/FTA08_Brief.pdf and give me some ideas! Or at least tell me more about S-League /Singapore soccer fans.

Inspired by Lynn my crazy-run-partner, I signed up for the Standard Chartered Full Marathon, 3 days after my last paper. Help. Anyone has marathon training tips?

If I even complete walking it, I salute my poor legs.

Pleasant Torture

Lynn and I completed our 2nd half marathon! Can't believe I can still do it, and I think I ran faster this year. :)

But right now, I need to sleep and rest my poor feet which have been subjected to so much torture. Could practically hear them thanking me profusely when I finally changed into my nice airy sandals.

Post edited:

Tips on deluding yourself / legs into moving non-stop for 21km:

(1) The start is the worst. At 5am, you haven't even woken up and you have to run. Nevermind, tell yourself, 'I haven't waken up. This is a nightmare. Will wake up soon. Don't be scared.'

(2) At the 2km mark, you can't believe it's only 2km, but you tell yourself, 'WAH SO FAST 2km!' (even though you don't mean it at all)

(3) At the 11km mark, you've to 'restart' your brain, trick it into believe you've only just started running, and say to yourself, 'oh I'm going for a 10km run today.

(4) Repeat step 3 every 2km from then on.

(5) When your legs are aching and screaming at you for a rest, think this - 'oh my gosh. I can't believe my legs are not aching yet.'

(6) No matter how much you feel like panting, DO NOT PANT. Just keep your breathing steady.

(7) If it's physically possible, sing a song. Otherwise, think of a song in your head and tell yourself you won't stop while the song is playing.

(8) From the 15km mark onwards, always think, 'If I stop now, I've to run the whole damn 15km again when I try again.'

(9) If you're running among slacking NS guys who look more like they're taking an extended morning stroll, tell yourself how you're making them look bad.

(10) Do it mechanically. Convince yourself that your legs are battery operated, you can't feel them, and you can't stop moving them even if you want to.

In short, distract yourself. Not all the strategies work perfectly, but hey, while thinking such stupid thoughts, you're distracted for a few minutes! Strategy (3) works the best for me. I'm so tempted to be 'geh kiang' (erm, however you spell that hokkien term- basically, try to act beyond my abilities) and crash the Standard Chartered full marathon this Dec.

But as I was telling Lynn, I'd need to fully 'erase' my mind at 21km. In fact, I'd proably need a completely concussion to wipe up all memories of having already ran 21km before being able to convince myself, 'hey I just started on my half marathon.'

haha. I'm being stupid, as usual.

Naked

I just sold my darling black Nokia 7260 handphone. It's been about 20 minutes since I've been phoneless. And I feel naked already. I can practically HEAR my unread sms-es screaming for my attention - 'read me! read me!' Eeks, imagine life without a handphone!

On another note, my new baby to be, in hopefully (better be!), one hour!

My mum says it's a really guy phone, but I like it! stylish. I've pretty guy characteristics at times, like a guyish handwriting. Make that awful guyish handwriting, but I like it and I refuse to change! And the comment someone once said which still amuses me up to this day-

'You do things like a guy, but you've a very feminine personality.' hahaha.

Oh well. On another note, How Technology Works convinces me that I'm a complete physics dummy. I heard the words 'scalar' and 'vector' quantities and 'normal reaction force' for the first time since I was 16 on Friday, and I almost fainted. Blah. And I'm giving a talk on Super Glue for class, ha.

Well, on the bright side, I get to ask my Dad, who always told me, 'I used to think physics is so easy. Just understand the basic principles and you can solve any question', to help me with my tutorials. Something for the father and daughter to do on Sundays. =) I'm a crappy student though, but daughters don't get sacked right?

I came across this while blog surfing...

Every year on my birthday, from the time I turned 12, one white gardenia was delivered anonymously to me at my house. There was never a card or note, and calls to the florist were in vain because the purchase was always made in cash.


After a while, I stopped trying to discover the identity of the sender, I just delighted in the beauty and heady perfume of that one magical, perfect white flower nestled in folds of soft pink tissue paper.


But I never stopped imagining who the sender might be. Some of my happiest moments were spent in day dreams about someone wonderful and exciting, but too shy or eccentric to make known his or her identity. In my teen years, it was fun to speculate that the sender might be a boy I had a crush on, or even someone I didn't know who had noticed me..


My mother often contributed to my speculations, she's asked me if there was someone for whom I had done a special kindness, who might be showing appreciation anonymously. She reminded me of the times when I'd been riding my bike and our neighbour drove up with her car full of groceries and children.


I always helped her unload the car and made sure the children didn't run into the road. Or maybe the mystery sender was the old man across the street. I often retrieved his mail during the winter, so he wouldn't have to venture down his icy steps.


My mother did her best to foster my imagination about the gardenia. She wanted her children to be creative. She also wanted us to feel cherished and loved, not just by her, but by the world at large.


When I was 17, a boy broke my heart. The night he called for the last time, I cried myself to sleep. When I awoke in the morning, there was a message scribbled on my mirror in red lipstick: "Heartily know, when half-gods go, the gods arrive." I thought about the quotation from Emerson for a long time, and I left it where my mother had written it until my heart healed. When I finally went for the glass cleaner, my mother knew that everything was all right again.


But there were some hurts that my mother couldn't heal. A month before my high school graduation, my father died suddenly of a heart attack. My feelings ranged from simple grief to abandonment, fear, distrust and overwhelming anger that my dad was missing some of the most important events in my life. I became completely uninterested in my upcoming graduation, the senior-class play and the prom-events that I had worked on and looked forward to. I even considered staying home to attend college instead of going away as I had planned because it felt safer.


My mother, in the midst of her own grief, wouldn't hear of me missing out on any of these things. The day before my father died, she and I had gone shopping for a prom dress and had found a spectacular one - yards and yards of dotted Swiss in red, white and blue. But it was the wrong size, and when my father died the next day, I forgot all about the dress.


My mother didn't. The day before the prom, I found that dress waiting for me - in the right size. It was draped majestically over the living room sofa, presented to me artistically and lovingly. I may not have cared about having a new dress, but my mother did.


She cared how we children felt about ourselves. She imbued us with a sense of the magic in the world, and she gave us the ability to see beauty even in the face of adversity.


In truth, my mother wanted her children to see themselves like the gardenia


My mother died when I was 22, only 10 days after I was married. That was the year the gardenias stopped coming.

...sweet.

New Semester New Start New Resolutions

Yep, it's a brand new term, and Cheng Wei has some new resolutions-

(1) I like running, but I will not run away from my problems.
(2) Drink 8 cups of water a day (hopefully my stupid complexion clears :s )
(3) No biscuits. PERIOD.
(4) Keep fighting.
(5) Accept what I can't change, and then move forward.
(6) I will regulate my sleeping hours. (very very hard).
(7) Be nice.
(8) Stop having so many expectations (of others).
(9) Don't be afraid to ask for help.

I thought I had many resolutions in the shower, but they seem to have escaped me.

And I registered for Army Half Marathon! I thought I missed the dateline, but it was extended. Looking forward to running it with Lynn again... but it's in a mere two weeks and I've no idea if I can get my stamina up. Trying to convince myself I can do it, running is all in the mind!

School was kind of disappointing, fewer familiar places then I expected. I guess everyone's on exchange. Having said that, I managed to meet Linda for lunch. Thanks for the present babe, and it was nice catching up.

The day wasn't as perfect as I swore I'd make it, but it wasn't too bad. My Dad surprised me with a call... just to ask, 'How was your first day of school?' =)

And my wisdom tooth is hurting like nuts. =(

(There's Gotta Be) More To Life

I've got it all, but I feel so deprived

I go up, I come down and I'm emptier inside

Tell me what is this thing that

I feel like I'm missing

And why can't I let it go

[Chorus]There's gotta be more to life...

Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me

Cause the more that I'm...

Tripping out thinking there must be more to life

Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more

Than wanting more

I've got the time and I'm wasting it slowly

Here in this moment I'm half way out the door

Onto the next thing, I'm searching for something that's missing

[repeat chorus]

i'm wanting more

I'm always waiting on something other than this

Why am I feelin' like there's something I missed.....

I'll look for it.

Happy Birthday Serene / Ditzy / Babe!

We were all in pink for the pink princess... ...who had a Mean Girls cake!

=)

=) =) =)

For the first time in 7 months, I ran around the NUS campus today! 2 rounds, plus the 143 NUH steps on the way back. Yay, I'm not as lousy as I imagined I would be.

In a way, I'm glad to be back, in my own room, my own personal space. Much as I love to be at home, I like being here in PGP... it saves me so much time from travelling and in exchange, I can run, do what I want, and not be tempted to skip classes. The weekends are always something to look forward to... being away from home, makes home sweeter than ever. And now that my mum has familiarized herself with MSN ever since I went to NYC, we can chat online when I'm in PGP!

I'm one of the few privileged enough to have watch the NDP live for 10+ years... so much so that no matter how 'special' each year's parade was supposed to be, I was hardly impressed... at the end of it, everything's the same. So, when we stopped getting tickets, I stopped watching the parades, not even on TV. Yesterday, expecting something different since it was at Marina Bay, I tuned in to watch NDP 2007. It still looked the same as every single parade I have been to. What a disappointment, but that's not the point-

Laugh at me, but when the National Anthem/Pledge came on, I just felt like I needed to show some respect, and stood up. So there I was, silly girl singing the national anthem in her room. I guess it brought back memories... I miss the feeling of being in the spectators' stand, and the overwhelming sense of pride when thousands of Singaporeans sing the national anthem together. I remember my Dad telling me that no matter how many times he has been to the NDP (and he must have been at least 30 times!), he has to resist the urge to tear whenever the national anthem comes on. I think I now understand what he means.

Deep down, no matter how may grouses I have, I'm glad to be where I am, even if its only because I think life is easy in this sunny little island.

I won't be expecting any surprises, but I think I'll be watching the NDP on TV from now on, for the sake of it.

Or until I get tickets again, if ever.

Old memories...

I was looking for some stuff today when I found this... (yes, that is ME at 3 years old)

It sent me rumaging through the shelves for my old stuff, and I found so so so many lovely, funny, memorable things...

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AaNWrhs4cNGJL - Click here to laugh at young Cheng Wei!

Anyway, I've moved back to hostel... room looks unnaturally dull :( I've a nice view of trees outside my window this sem!

My mum accidentally bought me bedsheets with fishes on them...same for the bolster case. It's my first night here, I hope I don't freak out lying on my bed. (Yes, I'm dead scared of fishes) My mum tried to comfort me by saying that there are more seashells then fishes...

Well, it feels good to be back, for now. :)

Random stuff

It's funny how you can feel happy seeing people you rarely talk to, simply because it's been a long time... and the familiarity is comforting. =)

I've a crazy day ahead tomorrow-

(1) Watch my brother's NCC parade at 7am

(2) Move stuff to PGP

(3) Buy stuff I need in PGP

(4) Unpack stuff in PGP

(5) Run to Alexandra to extract my wisdom teeth (shout, cry in pain, moan, whatever)

(6) Buy more things for PGP (I'm really unprepared to move back this time.

(7) Go back to PGP to continue unpacking
(8) Dash over to Changi Airport to see Elayne off.

I hope it doesn't hurt that much :( At least I found a dentist I liked! I woke up with a toothache, called my dentist who was too busy to see me... and decided to walk into a random clinic at Alexandra to sort out my teeth. And the dentist was so nice and friendly that I called up my old dentist, cancelled my wisdom teeth appointment, and made an appointment with my new dentist. :)

I want to pierce my ears...

... again. But I'm still nursing an infection, and I don't know where else I can afford another piercing.

If I didn't find it so gross, I'd pierce my tongue.

On Living Brands, and joy.

I just finished reading Living Brands... it took forever because it was interrupted by Harry Potter, as well as other books I've been reading, but it was a good read anyway. Loads of interesting brands and their stuff, and I really liked a few lines from the author's closing thoughts-

'Yes, the words business, work, and joy can be used in the same sentence without contradiction. More than anything, I want all of us to know joy and create joy. Without joy, we are betraying ourselves and everyone else, the consumers of our brands included. If you remember nothing else from this book, remember this: You can do what's right by consumers, create stellar brands, advance your career, and make both money and history.'

It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend awhile back. A future civil servant, he wants to work in the private sector to know that he can make an important difference. And so he asked, what about the private sector? What meaning do you derive from it?

Thoughtlessly, I said, 'that's where all the money is.'

'But money... there's only so much it can do. Up to a point, you can't derive any meaning from making more money.'

True, I thought. And I couldn't really think of a good defence for the private sector. I thought of saying it's all about the ambition to do something remarkable... but that wasn't it either - surprising to most, but I'm not a terribly ambitious person. In the end, my answer was, 'Well, I guess, it's about working with a team of people to create something new... not necessarily needing to be the backbone of the team, but the satisfaction of knowing that I had definitely made a significant contribution to the team. ahhh....maybe I'm secretly egoistic!'

But after reading those final words, I finally found the perfect answer... besides the money, it's about creating something that has the capacity to bring joy to your consumers. That's why I've always liked reading about all the different brands/products in my marketing textbooks... the consumerist whore in me understands that ipods, guess bags, playstations, cosmetics etcetcetc are undeniably so cleverly marketed that they create artificial, materialistic needs... BUT they have changed many people's lives, made many people happy. And that's meaning in itself.

Of course I would understand. Zara has made me so happy on many occasions, haha.

And I think it's really apt that I finished reading this book on the way back from Vivocity... because of what I was thinking about while shopping around for a gift- This is yet another of Cheng Wei's quirky thoughts, but it suddenly came to me that a perfect job for me would be a professional present shopper/advicer. See, there're professional food tasters, professional personal shoppers... so why not a professional present shopper? Provide details on the occassion, recipient's personality, relationship etc... and the professional present shopper takes the effort to seek out a range of perfect gift ideas for you, to the exact brand name, model, colour, location... and you can easily pick out your perfect gift! Or, if you're really busy,, she (I'm pretty sure any professional shopper is a she) can get the gift for you, select the best wrappers, cards, ribbons... and have it nicely wrapped up for you. And I wouldn't say it lacks sincerity, since you'd have to think about the significance of the gift as an 'input' for the professional shopper! I figured it'd be a good job for me since I love buying presents for others, shopping around for the perfect gifts, and wrapping up presents. It's the pleasant anticipation that if you did everything right, your present might just put a smile on someone's face, add some joy to their day.

(or maybe, I just like shopping and spending too much... and seek to help others spend their money once I'm running out of my own!)

I once had a colleague called Joy. And she really lived up to her name... I used to look at her, and think about how much joy she seems to bring to everyone when she's at work, and wish I had the capacity to bring so much joy to the people around me as well.

I used to think that if I had a daughter, I wouldn't know what to name her because there're almost no girl names which I like. But now I know- If I had a daughter, I'd name her Joy. Not because I'd wish for her life to be filled with nothing buy Joy-That'd be asking for the impossible. But because I hope she'd always remember to seek out joy in her life.

Just as I'm trying to learn to do so.