In approximately 20 hours, I'll be performing for the fifth time, and my third time with Linli. It's been a long long long ride. Wish me luck!

Once tomorrow is over, I no longer have any excuses not to do any work. The whole mid-semester break has been flying by, I've officially achieved nothing, except for FINALLY figuring out the optimal way to play these two lines in Mars.

When I'm not practising, or running, or eating, or bathing, then... I'm sleeping. I'm perpetually sleepy and I hate it. I thought I'd read a little this morning, but I promptly rolled back into bed until Erwin dragged me out to coffee. He never fails to amaze me with his ability to talk (rubbish) non-stop.

Besides the lack of productivity, I'm rather pleased with myself this week. It's a great mid-semester break, in comparison to the last crazy one. Everytime I remember to stop and reflect, I'm so damned grateful I've gotten to where I am now, when I once thought I would never get out of that rock bottom. Sometimes, I ask myself whether I regret everything... I now am beginning to see the consequences. Today, I concluded it's irrelevant, because it seemed the only way at that time.

You're really one of the most important people in my life, and it makes me so sad you'd think like that. I still love you, really.

Humility

Things have changed, and I hope it's not just me.

As I grow older, and open my eyes to the things around me, I increasingly believe that humility is essential to a good character. It's great to be be self assured, respectable in fact, but without a sense of humility to keep one down to earth, it reeks of distasteful arrogance.

I think I'd have more respect for the fool who is able to laugh at himself, and learn, and more.

Interestingly, arrogance may not be completely unacceptable. One can be aware of his arrogance, an yet never take himself to seriously. I asked an acquaintance what it means to 'not take yourself too seriously', an his reply was something along the lines of, 'to be able to laugh at yourself... it doesn't mean you don't try hard or have faith in achieving, but when you fail, you move on.' I'm inclined to agree.

Or maybe, it's just me. My bitchiness unleased by that pride in me, the insecurity of having my weaknesses juxtaposed upon that which falls short of perfection, but is nevertheless, less imperfect. I hope that is not the case.

I used to have quite a bit of pride - unjustified pride. I disliked being criticized, or corrected, and felt it my duty to defend myself when attacked. But I dare say I've been greatly humbled by many events. If I had Ku teach me in my younger days, and be stopped at practically every bar/note/rest, I don't think I would have been particularly receptive.

I'm trying my utmost to pretend it never happened. But once tainted, it's difficult to look at things through that clear, perspicuous lens again. Sure, I still respect you now, but respect lost will be hard to regain.

The day's events, though trivial, has left me strangely saddened. But it was made better by catching up with Erwin, Cat and Taitong over dinner, as well as a run along a different route with Boon.

For once, I was tempted to explode.

But all is good now.

RyanRyan's idea of a pole dance. (I was helping to put up display panels outside LifeCentre)

Eeks. It's Day 1 of My-Body-Is-My-Temple and I've already given it ample reason to start hating me later.Ironically, it started out with trying to take care of it. I woke up in the middle of the night to find my ears bleeding, and decided to be kind to them and removed my ear studs. And then, I just can't get back to sleep! One hour later, I've given up.

Love thy body

First, latest news from every snooze with Cheng Wei - Miss Kim Lian Rolles claims that Cheng Wei said 'bearbearbearbear in NUS' in her sleep last night. Cheng Wei would like to emphasize that Miss Kim Lian Rolles was exercising in her sleep, with legs kicking around in the air and being overly possessive of the blanket. Yuan Xin was indeed blessed to sleep soundly on throughout the night in spite of all the happenings.

Morning came, and Yuan Xin, Kim and I trooped down to Life Centre, where we et Ryan Ryan, Evelyn Evelyn, Calorie Cherie (special name) and a few other peoplepeople. Helped to set up the display, and cam-whored around. And T-shirt painting!

Yuan Xin

Kim Kim

Everyone's favourite board.

My T-shirt! So sad that I can't keep it.

RyanRyan and MeMe finished our T-shirts early, so he dragged me up to the Block 4 Level 8 foodcourt. I declare the button mushrooms in their cheese baked fish fillet the NICEST, ever. I had a craving for green apples, but it was sold out everywhere!

We then trooped off to Vivocity, where poor RyanRyan had to wait for me pick and choose clothes for Friday's concert... before we decided to chill at Pacific Coffee - i.e. the place with the most bitter coffee, ever. That was where the mad rush began, when I realized I had some short essay due in about 1.5 hours, but I did crap it out on time. Was about to catch a nap when Jiayuan Jiayuan arrived... what ensued was probably his most memorable moment of the day, involving brilliant flashes of light above my head. Don't ask him for details.

Being the saner one, my favourite part of the day was dinner at Sushi Tei! Miss it so much. Mouse- we must go there soon.

Strangely, I found myself smiling to myself as I went for a short run today.

I signed the Body Peace Treaty with RyanRyan today. I don't think I treat my body particularly well, but I probably can start by vowing to give it at least 7 hours of 'lying-down-time' and 6 hours of quality sleep a day. Time to apply the great sleeping formula -

Time I have to be somewhere by - 7 hours sleeping time - 1 hour changing time = Time to wake up.

Happy Snappy day, but there's work to be done!

Huffy Puffy

Boon and Jiayuan from the ulu land of the East finally moved in to Pee Gee Pee! On the upside, more people to study with, and running partners. On the downside, I foresee my printer working overtime (given that Jy hates troubling people, but seems to feel no guilt troubling me), Boon has an amazing ability to utter rubbish with a straight face, and Jy, I must reiterate, leeches off me.

Anyway, got Boon out for a run. Feels great to run after so many days, especially with the cool breeze after the downpour. We stopped by the track, and I snailed my way through four rounds... I'm so unfit now, but I'll get it back. Slowly. I'll give myself two months to run up those steps behind pgp. Slowly, slowly, and for the sense of accomplishment, nothing more. I really miss the days when I ran just to see how far my legs could take me, how long my breath would last, and for the sheer satisfaction.

My favourite coping mechanism for stress - it's been tainted.

And for those in the know, it's ed awareness week!

Cool Shit

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=517634&in_page_id=1770

I don't care if my fingers drop out...

... I'm going to PRACTISE, practise, PRACTISE!

I attended my ex-piano teacher's daughter's (what a mouthful) concert - WYX Music of Friends. The group is a trio - the daughter, one other girl from China and a guy from Hong Kong. It was the follow up from their innaugral concert - WYX in Europe. (Wow they've performed in Europe!)

Anyway, it was inspiring. The pianists made some noticeable mistakes, and some of the local compositions featured were not my cup of tea, but nevertheless, it was two hours well spent. And I felt so small -

Watching others play makes a good learning experience. Ku is right, you don't have to move that much to produce good music. Not that I ever disagreed with him (in fact, I've been consciously trying to curb my movements), but I've secretly defended myself by thinking, 'Look, I can't play properly without moving.' Now I see, movements should be meaningful. And wow, stage presence/showsmanship is a whole new ball game. They looked serious, but relaxed. They weren't smiling throughout, but they looked like they were enjoying themselves. Now I see what Ku means when he says I look like the last thing I want to do is to play the piano.

That aside, the 'conventional' parts of the repertoire were enjoyable. It opened with Poulenc, then a thirty minute duo piano arrangement of Saint Saen's 'The Carnival', accompanied by a poem written to the music. I only remember vague stuff, such as 'the turtleeeee is slooowww but always wins the race... the cuckoo sings only two notes... the pianist hunched over the ivory keys...', bad pronunciation but cute. The middle bits were local compositions, some world premieres, probably well intentioned, but most of which I couldn't appreciate. I rarely am able to understand anything that isn't at least vaguely lyrical, so I'm not fit to comment. It ended with a some Russian piece (forgot the title!) and then an arrangment of Carmen Fantasy for four pianos, two hands. The liveliness of Carmen never fails to delight. So it ended off on a good note!

I really have such a long way to go. Time to put in double effort into my posture at the piano. And practise Mars, 5 more days. =S

After loads and loads of sleeping, I finally feel somewhat better today, and more ready to stand up and fight my ass off. Perhaps I was too tired over the past few days. I really can't believe I slept my entire Saturday, plus Sunday morning away. Time to get to get lost in work.

Today, I received an unsurprising, but saddening piece of news. Uncertainty sucks, but certainty hurts at times. So I find myself feeling awful, yet better. Down, but relieved. Disappointed, but thankful.

One Art, by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
o be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something everyday. Accept the flustero
f lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these things will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

Is it enough to be trying? Week, after week, after week. And slipping the same way.

I was talking to a friend on the phone, my usual whining and gripes about oh-why-must-my-life-be-like-that, and him telling me about the near car crash he had earlier in the morning. At that very moment, he stopped short, and said, 'oh my god.'

My poor friend saw the crane at the site of construction of the new business building collapse, right before his eyes. And the operator hitting against the sides as of his workspace as it came crashing.

Three lives lost, two injured.

I wonder how it must feel like to have death thrown at your face without warning. What would go through one's mind, in that flash before darkness. I suspect, by the time pain registers, it's over. Just like how injections feel - that sudden sting, and then the needle is out. At least, that pain is anticipated.

I suspect, nothing significant will go through my mind, besides horror, and 'help', 'shit' or 'no'. But the thought of it, the days unfortunate events, makes my heart ache. And I wish I could shed a tear.

I wasn't there to see it, but life can be so unpredictable it makes me sigh.

It shames me that sometimes, I don't cherish things very much. That I still mope and wallow in my little world.

Today, Ku told me that I should know myself that I used to play Mars better. I've been practising, but it's not enough. I can only practice harder, because I don't want to let anyone down. And myself. Performing has shown me so much, and it means a lot. Sigh.

I've been struggling to pull myself out of this ditch, and it's been really easy to tell myself not to bother, to let go. I've been giving in to the temptation to slip, but I know, something in me isn't going to surrender like this - I don't need another rock bottom, that dark, lonely hole. And I'm trying to convince myself I don't deserve this. That it's worth fighting for -

My freedom.

I want so bad to scream it all out.

Sighness

I don't know what's with me these days. I'm discouraged, and I find myself looking for ways to upset myself. Like I need affirmation that I can be legitimately UNHAPPY. That it's okay to lie down and hide under my blanket and mope.

I don't know what's what anymore. I've gained so much, but I keep thinking about what I lost. Everyone tells me that I won't be happy if I turn back... but I don't know! I honestly don't know what's wrong. The only thing that holds me back is the possibility of reliving that daily nightmare. The utter shame, disgust and isolation. That feeling of worthlessness.

It feels like it's creeping back in, slowly, but steadily. I've so much more to hold on to now, after so much, but sometimes, just sometimes, it's tempting to let go...

and let myself be justified in my unhappiness.

I've yet to find my best form of escapism.

Purple

After a stressful two weeks of two essays and two presentations, I decided to go get my hair touched up while I take a nap at the salon...nearly freaked out when I saw her massaging chunks and chunks of dye into all my hair (I normally just highlight) and announced to me that she was using a different purple...well, not too bad. I like the patch of red more than anything else.

I really hate it that I no longer can run like I used to.

Poor, oppressed

Okay, the title makes it sound like I'm stuck in some little village overtaken by warlords. But that's not the point.

The point is - I don't know what's the point of holding on when it almost killed me, is killing my spirit and sucking the life out of me, and might eventually kill me. This has got to be the worst kind of heartache ever, breaking my own heart. I keep thinking I could just make up my mind and let go, once and for all. It's the rational thing to do, but emotionally and physically, I can't seem to take that leap of faith... into the scary territory of 'what ifs'. Much as I loathe this abusive partner, I don't know what's going to happen when I eventually kick him out of that door. I am not brave enough to try, yet.

And yes, how sweet and charming his words are. In my sickest, darkest moments, when I yearn for someone to tell me all if fine, he comes by, and tempts me with words so alluring. He lures me with old memories, still fresh in my head - Remember our good times, you were happy with me. It was perfect.

He promises to treat me well this time, but no. One last time, one last chance. But no, time and time again, I've foolishly taken his hands, only to find that he has no heart.

I want so hard to say Enough of it already! I'm paying for my sins with all the pain and loneliness. You've taken so much from me already!

And yes, it's taken so much. And today, I realized it has cheated me of my money. All the money I've won from working hard and living up to myself. If this goes on, I'm going to regret it. I'm putting half my money aside while I can still salvage the situation.

So why do I feel tempted to believe him once more?

Wewe speakspeak inin pairspairs.

RyanRyan, ChengCheng and KimKim! (Other people have short forms for their names, we have double forms.)

Met RyanRyan at AppointmentAppointment yesterday, and decided to drag him along for dinner with KimKim. I'm in class now and I am so sleepysleepy. I want to sleepsleep.

I'm permanantly tired!

Espresso FRAPUCCINOS before church. I love it how we're so absolutely comfortable around each other.

And yes, after not sleeping an entire night to do up my Asianism essay last week, I haven't recovered. It feels like a hangover. As I told Kim, I'm only awake during certain (brief) periods of the day. All other times, I'm either struggling to keep awake, or sleeping. Unfortunately, I've one more essay due tomorrow. I've been fiddling with it the entire weekend (stayed with Kim!), but I'm still not too pleased with it.

But I've to say, I love it when I'm so engrossed into work and busy tearing my hair out that time just flies by, and I've no time to think of other things. Which is not very often!

I haven't ran or exercised since last week and i feel gross. It's really rare that I'll give up exercise in favour of work... but see, that's what the past week has done to me!

I love piano lessons. It's really one of the rare times when I just play, listen to the big man, and no bad thoughts flood my head.

I want so hard to get so engrossed in my essay that I don't have the capactiy to think of anything else.

Whine / Bitch Fest

This is in order to procrastinate trudging on with the Asianism essay semi-legitimately. My alternative is to procrastinate while being negative, so whatever!

I hate it. I hate it that I take so damn long to craft any essay, that the perfect words never just flow out of me, but only arrive after a tedious and frustraing process of trial and error... most of all I hate the fact that I can't let go, but cling on to the perfect words, and literally have to FORCE myself to just keep writing instead of tabbing furiously at the backspace key. Oh, now I am typing on and on, can't I just write my essays like that?!

Pardon me. I know I'm being a whiner, and that everyone has the write the same damn essay, but as I've said, I really tend to feel like the world is about to collapse upon my height whenever I'm stagnant at an essay. It makes me feel so... hopeless and powerless. Give me ten powerpoint presentations to prepare, I'd probably do it much faster. I feel like I should have tears streaming down my cheeks as I painstakingly type, but no. Stupid happy pills.

I don't foresee myself sleeping anytime soon. Probably not before 7am. Fine if I get to relax and enjoy the weekend, but tadaa, Political Science essay to write over the weekend. And I haven't even touched the piano keys over the last couple of days.

Now. I've vented, banged on the keys of my computer... time to force myself to write, and write, and WRITE. Did I mention that I'm at my first draft and I absolutely cannot bear the thought of actually submitting such a disgusting piece of thing?

Oh. And my room is SO SO SO MESSY. Last night, I slept on the floor because I was so tired from the essay that I couldn't be bothered to pack the bed. Today? Even the floor is messy. But really, I could sleep anywhere now.

Essays never fail to make me feel and act like the world is about to end.

Unrealistic Expectations

My life is so messy! I'm not living it the way I idealize myself to be able to - work, sometime to run, relax and play piano everyday. To sit in a corner and indulge in my favourite reads, or simply, stone with a smile. When everything is so disorganized, I find myself yearning for that structure I built up for myself (together with my best friend A), so carefully and deceptively, hidden behind make-up, pretty garmants and endless lies. When best friend doesn't turn out to be forever and I'm left with a broken relationship, I can't find another acceptable routine.

Maybe I just can't deal with uncertainty, and (high) expectations.

I wish I had that amazing ability to bury myself in (productive) WORK and just not think about anything.

I love playing Beethoven. My latest piece a simple, humble little movement, but really enjoyable - my style. But as I said, without my perfect life, I can't find the time to give enough effort to learning it.

One good thing though, at least I'm enjoying the company of one of my project groups. Except I'm permanantly dozing off.

I AM SO STRESSED WITH WORK AND ALL I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW IT... RUN IT ALL OUT OF MY SYSTEM.

Beijing 2008

Internship in Beijing. Great. Oily food. Bad Chinese. Cheap stuff.

I'm not really complaining. I just hope I survive.

Post CNY

Call me crazy, I'm actually glad the CNY break is over and it's time to head back to school. After the festivities, I'm down with a cough. I cough all night and morning, am up and about in the day, then proceed to cough. The more I think of it, the more I regret all the pineapple tarts/tapoica chips/cakes/chips/cashew nuts/ whatever else that went down my throat.

Not to mention, diarrhoea.

Stressful week ahead. Two essays, Loreal Brandstorm, SGX Case, piano (haven't practised for almost a week), appointments and a host of other things. Time to gear myself up and tell myself I can get through it without messing things up. That messing up doesn't solve anything.

I'm glad I went to EN today, after skipping it last week. The message was very inspiring, and I guess just being there gave me more confidence in stuff. But I still consider myself a Sunday churchgoer - it doesn't feel right when I go there once a week to feel a sense of renewal. I think I need a lot of time with this, after living by myself for such a long time.

In spite of the messy events over CNY, I'm still trying to remind myself that I'm indeed a very fortunate girl, and I can do this. I've been told by others that I will definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel, so I guess... I just can't let the people I hold dear down, if not myself.

There's a dull, nagging sense of hurt that wouldn't go away, but when I think of it, today is better than any of the past few days. And I got more things sorted out, and see them in a clearer light. At least I don't have to second guess things as much.

Anyway, I rediscovered a new food that I used to LOVE! My foodcourt staple (before my mee hoon kway infatuation) - KIMCHI SOUP!

Have a better week ahead. You promised. Sms me when you falter and I'll GRUNT til u move on. =)

CHIN UP SKINNYBEAR!

Don't be like that!



Like that cuter!

Like that EVEN BETTER! (go take ensure!)

It's been one month into the semester. Not too bad, but could be better. And I don't exactly mean academically. I'm going to make sure, at the end of the semester, I'm going to look at my report card knowing that whatever is reflected there has nothing to do with that. I enjoy most of my classes this semester, I'm doing things I like, I'm hanging out with people who make me so happy, it'd be a pity if I let one single pathetic loserly thing change that. Or who I am, what I can do, as a matter of fact.

But I still think of the past. Constantly. As much as I know there would come a day when I eventually have to let go. I just hope it's before I die, or I'd go with regrets. (okay, that was morbid, I didn't mean it!) And no, I'm not speaking of a guy, though more often than not, it really feels like a broken relationship.

I feel like I need a long long cycle to think things through. And do some soul searching. Or a long long run, if my legs would still take me the way they used to.

CNY!

I helped my mum to apply make up today! NICE?
Act cool brother
Liza
Other brother (act cool peeking out behind)
Pretty woman!

Gong Xi Fa Cai! =)

I just went for a cycle and a run. LOVE the way the wind blows against my face when I cycle. And running was good today... just a short run in the breeze, short short one, but satisfying. It's times like these when I feel... liberated. I still enjoy running with others though. I used to like running by myself, studying by myself, eating by myself... but these days, I find that I like being with others, when the company is good and comfortable. It keeps me sane, focused and grounded. Nothing beats running and laughing with mousey though!

This morning, Evelyn and I talked about what makes a girl/woman beautiful. We agreed that its subjective, and she claims that older guys have a very different perspective on beauty than younger ones. I think I should ask around, haha!

I also discussed how I judge others differently from how I judge myself. It's like, I've a whole different standard for myself. Double standards, she says, and that it's a mark of prejudice against others... interesting, I have never thought of it that way. I just try to see the best in most people, unless they really prove to be unbearable.

Please please, let the rest of the week be good, so that I may have the confidence to move on.

Oh, and Miss Kim Lian Rolles and I would like to announce (squeak) our new blog - http://purple-mouse.blogspot.com Don't tell us how retarded it is, because it makes us happy/purple, so we couldn't care less!

I miss you terrible twin!

Pepper Lee Jeng Yee reply me la! haha =)

Mousey's back from Bangkok!

Running, laughing and triggering by the track!
The multitudes of things Kim bought me from Bkk. Almost died laughing when I saw the mouse necklace and the PERFECT PURPLE shirt.
We're moused! M&M = Mousey and Mousestress!

Nurd

I find that I actually enjoy having project meetings at the Burger King/Olio/Lerk Thai area above the arts canteen. I normally hate food places because of the smell, but this place is fine, as long as it isn't noisy like during lunch hour.

I actually did some work yesterday and today, which is more than I can say for the past three weeks of school. I'm beginning to think that nurding out and just channeling my energy to work is better than moping over everything else. At least I'm productive. Heh.

I doubt I really have the nurd gene though. It's so hard to sit still (yes MOUSEY, so hard to sit still without shaking my legs!)

I've been running to the gym in the morning. I'm beginning to enjoy the sanctuary of the gym and lifting weights. I really have no strength though... sigh.

Wicked

It's been a really long time since I've listened to music while studying, and today, I'm listening to the soundtrack of Wicked. Wicked brings back memories of the last bits of New York City, watching it with Erwin, very different from most of the musicals I've watched. And previous attempts to watch it, including trying to win the lottery for front row shows with Engsiang (didn't get lucky!)

I'm Not That Girl
Indina Menzel, in Wicked

Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joy
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb
She who's winsome, she wins him
Gold hair with a gentle curl
That's the girl he chose
And Heaven knows
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start
Wishing only wounds the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl
There's a girl I know
He loves her so
I'm not that girl:

I've been doing all these (grudgingly) for so long and I always find myself ready to quit. But when I have the chance to, and I think of how everything would be left in chaos, I find myself contemplating putting up with shit again. I must be nuts.

'I am afraid to show you who I really am, because if I show you who I really am, you might not like it - and that's all I got.'

Rediscovered Sport

My butt hurts... from cycling. Qy, Rh, Jy and I went on a leisure Bikequest yesterday and... I'm glad! We basically cycled to Chomp Chomp and skipped the rest of the pitstops, but it's been more than a year since I last rode a bike... and I realized that I've forgotten how good it can feel, especially when the roads are straight and empty, and the breeze is against you. I think I'm going to bring my brothers bike to PGP so that I can cycle to West Coast now and then, just to chill out.

Jy and I later cycled down from ECP to Changi Beach, and I have to say, the route was good, especially in the cool air of the morning. I loved the straight road through the trees, and the road leading towards Changi Airport... looking at the airport gives me a strange sense of wonder, looking at the glimmering lights of the place we are oh-so-proud off, and especially hearing the sounds of planes landing now and then. Looked so cool just as daylight was creeping in as they flew close to the ground!

And we ran into other cyclists occassionally. And I found myself really wishing I actually had the time to go cycle/run at ECP once a week... just to spend sometime alone and enjoy the place. Maybe if I can convince my parents to let me have full ownership of the van every Sunday, then I can go cycling, head to church, then piano. (opps, I forgot that distractions like readings, tutorials and essays exist.

But really. I wish I could make time for certain things, no matter what. I've always believed that it's important to have a passion for something - something you'd make time for no matter how busy you are, how much work there is... because it's going to be there for you, for life. Something you could do by yourself if there was no one in the world. I think, that's what makes you different, admist all the grades, money and conventional achievements that we chase after. There're things I enjoy doing, but I'm not there yet.

Kim, let's go cycling at East Coast one morning. We'll probably laugh all the way down the boring never ending straight road. =)

Piano lesson was really enjoyable today. I feel like I'm learning so much and I've so much to learn. And Mr Ku let me choose the next piece I'm going to play - and it's Beethoven! Long time since I've played Beethoven, one of my favourite composers. But I've got about 27 more days before Mars is out of the way. Beneath the dissonant shit, I must say there's actually quite a lot to that piece. Which unfortuntaely, does not have a good harmony to complement it.

Now I need to sleep again.

Trying

Is it enough that I am trying? Trying but still failing more often than I like? I know that if I don't make up my mind to do something soon and stick through it no matter what, it's going to be too late.


"I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand. It’s when you know you’re licked before you begin but you begin anyway and you see it through no matter what.”

Harper Lee To Kill a Mockingbird 1960


I don't want to go down that path again.

I'm tempted to sulk, and mope, and blame fate for throwing such stuff at me. Lament, regret, wish I never discovered ed, but it's pointless isn't it? It isn't my life, and it won't be.

Mouse in a house!

My spouse is a mouse in a blouse in a house!

We are out of the house now and bored in tutorial. We want to go back to the house. Time is passing squeakingly slow. Squeak Squeak Squeak goes the second hand of the clock. And the tutor literally squeaks like a mouse, can't hear her!

We want to go back to the house and the happy two mouse we are.

One mouse is going back to the house after this. The other mouse is going to squeak on the piano. But they will meet for dinner at their favourite mouse hangout before heading back to the house together. That will be followed by a rat race to Holland Village and then a romantic mouse stroll back. Then the two mouse will study and sleep. One mouse will be rolling about like a hamster on a threadmill, while the other mouse will be squeaking all night. In the morning, they are going to wake up and start making their mousey whiney noises. Then one mouse will head to the airport for a fantastic slacking getaway in Bangkok, while the other mouse will work its butt off at a project meeting followed by night cycling.

SQUEAK! SQUEAK! SQUEAK! Time is passing so SLOWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYY.