After a long long time

I haven't blogged in ages!

I guess everyone's wondering why- I hit a big crisis in the past two months. Let's call it TSP- the small problem (small because I'm trying my darnest to remind myself that there're so many other bigger things in life.) I'm ashamed to say that I was wallowing in depression/self-pity and wasted a hell lot of time. I thought of setting up a new private blog for my close friends to read, but I realized I'll only be blogging about TSP, which will probably trap me in a self-perpetuating misery. Sigh, I have learnt (and am still learning) some hard lessons.

On the bright side (an attempt to cheer myself up), one thing came clear to me- When I felt like I was in the deepest of shit, I truly realized who were the people I treasured/trusted the most. For that, I'm grateful to my mum, and friends in the know, for their support, for not judging me.

Another positive thing, thanks to TSP, I started playing Chinese Chess again, and I love it! haha, Alex almost fainted when he heard that, especially when he heard who I played chess with. Who ever said you'll have to be good at Chinese to play chess!

When I get through this, I'll be stronger.

There's something wrong with my template... the picture's gone. I'll fix it up soon.

I've more to say, but I need to get changed to meet Qiuyun (finally!), followed by Darren, Lynn and Ray for a bridge session!

Oh, and I'm really embarrassed to say that I'm super duper unfit now... everyone says that's impossible, BUT I MEAN IT. I stopped exercising for two months and wished I never did. It's so hard, so hard to start! I actually had to tell my brother (speaking of which, my brothers have grown SO TALL in six months, which makes me feel so much better about putting on weight since I'm the smallest among all the kids at home, haha) that if he manages to make me wake up to run everyday for a month, I'll treat him to a big big lunch to Sushi Tei (so I'm abstaining from Sushi Tei until then, haven't had that since I got back! :((((( ) He seems pretty confident of it- well, he's 26 days away from his treat. This morning, he literally had to wake me up twice!

1st time-
Bro: 'Wake up, go running!' (sounding very fierce, exactly what I imagine they do to the guys in army.)
Me: (thinks, in my absolute ability to procrastinate) 'what the heck, I've barely slept since last night. Let me close my eyes, he'll call me again after he's done with brushing his teeth.)

2nd time-
Bro: 'Wake up, go running!'
Me: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (thinks) 'now no choice, if I go to sleep again, he'll go to school and I won't wake up.)

While he was leaving the house, he saw me running, and gave me (or himself?) a very satisfied nod.

Sigh, I have really become such a BUM. I don't understand how is it possible that I managed to sleep 7 hours a day + make it a point to exercise in the past. On top of that, I started the coke light/coffee everyday habit again, thanks to all that depression. And the biscuit/bread addiction.

I vaguely remember typing this on my blog about a year ago, and I'll have to type it again, I WILL NOT EAT BISCUITS AND I WILL EAT THREE PROPER MEALS A DAY. I seriously have some issues with food.

I'm trying to take things one step at a time, and for today- 1 source of caffeine, be it coffee. tea or coke light. If I'm dying in the heat and running out of water, I will not buy a (second?) bottle of coke light, but ice cold mineral water. And 'since I'm paying, I might as well pay for something that has some taste' is not an excuse to buy coke light.

I'm weird, I know. But I lost a lot of self-control over the past two months, and I don't like it. Slowly, slowly, I'll find old myself back again. =)

I've rambled, it's really time to get changed!

The world isn't going to end because I think I'm fat/look like shit. Life will go on, the world will go on, because it's never just about me.