tiredtiredtired

tiredtiredtired, but high because I just ran six rounds my estate and am happily munching on grapefruits now.

My life feels completely routine again-all I do everyday is wake up, go to sch/go out in the afternoon, then rush to work, eat dinner at midnight, run, sleep, can't wake up next morning...and the cycle repeats itself over and over again. And I can't believe I'm flying off on Sunday morning. It's all to soon, don't even have time to meet up with friends, do crazy things, swim, tan.

Today was really exhuasting. Mum woke me up at 7:30am in the morning to me that we're going to drive my brother to school and then head down to Robinson's-the Sale Worth Waiting For (except that you don't really have to wait.) I asked to drive because my extreme road-anexiety was probably the only thing that could mildy perk me up and as usual, ended up parking perfectly into the second lot when I really meant to park in the first. :s In all my sleepiness, I managed to pick out two bags from Guess and 1 shirt! (but shopping doesn't really make me that happy anymore...)

Met Qy to watch When a Stranger Calls (very scary) before shopping around somemore. I can't seem to find jeans that fit me! Really desperate to get some new ones before Sunday coz my existing ones have become too huge, yikes.

Working tonight, like every other weekday night, was slow and easy. Sometimes, when there's nothing to do during work, one starts stoning, and an overwhelming sense of heaviness comes. Then a guest appears at the entrance, one rushes over, puts on the biggest (occasionally fakest) smile, then everything is alright again, until all the guests have gone, and then, tired, one takes the last bus home, lonelily. But today I took the train with a whole lot of bantering guys - and I was staring at the floor half the time.

This is late, but I've hit the big 20! (*shrieks* - not that I feel very different.) Sunday was a simple affair. Nothing at home was going great when I woke up, so I went to pick up Manda so that we could go downtown earlier. As f.r.i.e.n.d.s, our birthdays get simpler, and simpler - no cakes, no food, no nothing - but the same old feeling of familiarity, comfort, chilling with my favourite people (taking pictures of course!). I would always want to spend my birthday with my favourite ny-girls! =) Things still weren't going great when I got home in time for mothers' day dinner, so I told my mum not to bother buying a cake.

Monday-met Ray/Wayne for pool after work! And after telling me she couldn't make it at the last minute and refusing to pick up my calls, Qy miraculously appeared at Lucky Plaza and declared that it was my birthday surprise, haha. It was my second attempt at pool, and I'm just bad at pool, bad, bad, bad, but i like pool, i like pool, i want to play more pool. Most people I hoped would come were there for dinner at Fish and Co (except Kai, you kai! - if you're reading, haha), so it was an evening pleasantly spent. I was quite horrified when I was made to stand on a chair with 4 other birthday people (poor guy next to me, it wasn't even his birthday, but he was standing for a friend who was too embarrassed), hold sparklers, listen to a birthday rap, dance with the guy next to me for 30 seconds to black eyed peas - while Tim happily took a million pictures/vidoes... but ahh, very very memorable 2oth birthday. =)

The holidays have done something to me. I'm actually blogging more than once a month.

I made a birthday wish on Monday evening. It can't come true, but it's always nice to wish anyway.

Birthday Pictures!

I really can't help my fierce face!

=)

F.r.i.e.n.d.s (and extra friends)

From clubbing at o-bar (I'm damn fair)

http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=8AaNWrhs4cNGIP&notag=1 => There you go, I'm too lazy to send to everyone.

Of Verity and Truths

(Verity's the name of a character in a book I just finished reading.)

Sometimes, the truth really hurts, but still, I rather know the truth. A number of (somewhat painful) revelations have been slapped on me this couple of late nights - I don't blame anyone, but it makes me want to keep my guards up, and wonder why, why such hypocrisy, why such facades. I only ask to be treated sincerely.

I can't believe that I've to work practically every night from Monday to Friday next week! In the past, if I 'give schedule' for every single day, I would be down for about 3 shifts a week. Now, I 'give schedule' for Tuesday to Friday, I've to work Tuesday to Friday, plus Monday. I need time to do my USP readings (and of course go shopping, watch movie, run, swim, watch Tv, chill at coffee bean etcetcetc) Sigh, it feels like I won't be able to get very much (slacking) done before I leave for China next Sunday morning. (Oh yea, Steven *almost* made me work the night before I fly, whew.)

After some rest yesterday, working was nice and surprisingly untiring tonight. haha, I was so occupied with so many things to do that I was misguided into thinking that time was passing really quickly when I'm busy, and I told don't-know-what's-his-name that he really broke my heart into a million pieces when he told me, 'Can you believe it? It's only 8:30 now!' and he replied, 'My heart already break this afternoon.'

I was clearing plates at table 104 when the guests were talking about what they were going to do on Mothers' Day. And this guy suddenly turned to me and said, 'Oh guess you will be working on Mothers' Day right.', to which I replied, 'Nope! No work on Mothers' Day. Mothers' day is ...........*blahblahblah*............' And all his friends promptly stood up to shake my hand, how pleasant. =)

Out of so many people, I wish it didn't have to be you who had to lie to me, for it hurts to think that you didn't think yourself able to be honest with me. I've never been completely honest with you either (I'm so sorry), and yet, I've told you so many things, things so real. I could only sigh, and learn to expect less. And someday, smile you a real smile once more. It's been long while, my friend (?).

Sulky post

I think I've been looking very sulky this couple of days, and I'm literally, sulky right now - can't sleep!

Sigh, and I thought after three consecutive S2 shifts at Spageddies this week, I should be sleeping like a baby right now. In fact, I was so exhausted towards the end of dinner shift today that I actually entertained thoughts of letting plates crash right onto the floor and then get sacked. As if, for I could never live with the shame. Would probably go down the history of Spageddies for generations and generations of servers to hear - 'sacked for intentionally breaking plates.'

Yesterday, I was very surprised to receive an sms from someone at work in the middle of the night, asking why I looked so down. During my break today, Ben actually asked, 'Why you always so moody one...' And Gilbert also told me, 'You look damn moody.' Well, I'm not exactly the chattiest and chirpiest person around, but really??? Sigh, I think I've to resign myself to the fact that I look terribly fierce/aloof/unfriendly/antisocial/deserved-to-be-slapped whenever I'm not smiling. So many people have commented that I've a very serious look of concentration!

Ironically, I really got progressively moodier through the night. :( Besides being tired, I think I made a record number of mistakes tonight. Gave the wrong terms of promotion, keyed in wrong order, forgot to key in an order, brought the wrong credit card to the guest, did things super inefficiently... I really hate the feeling of making mistakes, any mistakes at work. Even if I manage to avoid a dressing down, it feels like I'm the cause of needless trouble to everyone. One guest actually told me, 'It's alright. We all make mistakes!', but really, I'm not exactly new to the work anymore. Sigh, it was so demoralizing that I almost couldn't bring myself to smile at guests anymore. Blah, can't even do a simple job right. To top it off, I left my shoes in the Paragon toilet after work and it's probably gone.

Really don't know what's wrong with me the whole of today. Thank goodness I'm not working tomorrow, need to find my brains back before Friday.

I wish I would completely recover soon enough, really hate being sick. The blessings of being well again -
(1) Can start running again. (supposed to make running dates with a number of people)
(2) Can work better.
(4) Can go out.
(3) People at work will stop asking me why I don't eat everyday. The food isn't great, but sometimes it feels like I'm insulting all the chefs by not eating. (I think I've a reputation for being incredibly fussy about food- Really intended to eat the staff meal today, but it was Tom Yam and Fried Chicken, everything that will kill my throat.)

Shagged

My goodness, it's my first day at work and I worked S2! (S2 meaning two shifts in a day, lunch and dinner) Am so dead tired! Can't believe I used to pride myself for being able to stand forever and forever. I was supposed to work only only one shift today, but this server who has been working S2 for the past consecutive god-knows-how-many days requested that I take over her and I readily agreed... bad mistake. I was already sick in the morning... and by 10pm, I felt more sick and tired than ever. Didn't help that their staff meals always look so oily/greasy/unappetizing/unhealthy and I just didn't want to risk it in my illness and ended up surviving on pieces of bread the whole day. (My brother, who's a part-time chef there, just confirmed that the food is definitely not very healthy - in his words, 'yah it's not very good. They anyhow cook one, plus everyday also chicken.') Came home and downed a bowl of hot soup...ahhhhh, I feel more alive already.

Going back to work was weirder than I ever imagined it to be, in every sense of the word, in every possible way. Nevertheless, I met Casie... who's my long lost badminton junior from Nanyang! It feels like fate. Apparantly, she discovered that I used to work there while looking at the old name lists, my ic number and talking to the other servers. And she actually saw me when I went I was there with Ray last week, but didn't call me for fear that I would not remember her. And today, another server told me about her... so I immediately went to check the schedule, only to be disappointed that she was only doing the dinner shift for today... but haha, I was asked to do dinner after all, so I did get meet her! =) For some strange reason, it's always nice to meet someone who was from Nanyang, even if you never really knew each other. It always reminds me of how grateful I am for the Southgoat years.

Casie aside, it was a mix of familiar and old faces. I heard this dishwasher commenting that I look really really really pro considering it's my first day of work (well, I can't quote him exactly because it was all in Mandarin)... lol, 'first day' indeed. Think I lost touch though, time was crawling and it felt like I was working at a crawling pace as well. Oh well, I hope things are better tomorrow (s2 again! =( ). Must learn to look less tired, felt so zombified with my black eye rings, paleness and all today.

I hate to show my bitchyness, but too bad, someone has incurred my wrath. This is intentionally crpytic, not to spare you, mr WS, but to spare myself - but really, who are you to judge me, make assumptions about me, and such contradictory ones. I might possibly think it's flattering (but look, I don't), and I may oblige you occassionally, but that doesn't mean you pretend to be my best friend. I've played enough games in my life thus far, it's plain hypocrisy ('fess up, there's a hypocrite in all of us.) To all my friends - you know I love you. =p

ps: Serene, Joey and I are in O-bar's photo gallery! :P

Did you say bridge?

Man, I could get used to life being like today everyday - Bridge, bridge and more bridge!

It was Tim's last day of exams, so Ray, Tim, Xiaokai (these were the people who taught me how to play bridge one lazy Friday afternoon a few months ago) and I got together for a celebratory Bridge session. Bridge in my room until we were too hungry to think, bridge while waiting for dinner to forget the hunger, bridge after dinner until the restaurant closed, bridge in some random 'study corner' of some random void deck... I think my greatest moment of triump was when I managed to hide my identity as the 'chosen partner' until the very last hand, lol.

Must add that dinner (thai-style 'zi cha') was great, except that all the oil from the fried food made me feel so unhealthy. But it's okay, I just went running!

Oh, clubbing on Wednesday with the girls on Wednesday night was fun. Besides the novelty of finally making it to Dbl O/O Bar after being chased away twice (think the age limit's 20), the music was pretty good (all my favourite songs - Who's that Girl, Hips don't Lie, Superstar, Don't Phunk with my Heart, My Humps etcetc). Most significantly, I had the company of Ditzy, Joey and Linda (ex-pgp-neighbour, pgp-neighbour and Econs tutorial groupmate respectively). My poor back feels very abused though - crazy man who was already drunk the moment he stepped in kept touching my back, nice sweet lady accidentally burnt my back with her cigerette (nice because she was very apologetic and got me ice), random caucasian guy spilled beer on my back. Crazy man kept trying to dance with us and basically every other person (guys included)... ugh, complete spoiler for everyone who was trying to fend him off until he eventually got chased out by the bouncer. Really can't stand people who get sick drunk at clubs... well, if you've had too much to drink, fine, but if you know you start acting like a complete shameless moron when you're drunk, keep within your limits instead of spoiling the fun for others, thank you very much. At least there weren't wasted drunk girls around - I will never forget the time I saw this butch bouncer literally dragging some drunk girl by her arms out of the Zouk toilet; that's why I usually watch myself when I go clubbing.

Well, off to sleep, moving out of Pee Gee Pee tomorrow. What a hassle.

Meet my twin!

Her name's May and I love her to bits! She lives in France and this is one of our rare photos together when I visited her last year.

Oh so tired

I'm perpetually tired! Feels like I"m finally paying my dues for all those times I didn't sleep during the semester. For the past few days, in between (very tiring) swims/runs/walks with Kev, I've been occupying myself by drifting in and out of sleeping/being awake but wondering why I'm so sleepy. But I'm not complaining, oh good o' slumber...

The strangest thing happened to me yesterday afternoon. I was reading about REM (rapid eye movement) sleep in my 'power book' sleep - apparantly, that's the stage of sleep when one has his first dream of the night (or afternoon, for that matter) - when I fell asleep. And it was so restless! Kept getting confused over whether I was awake/dreaming, or whether I was reading sms-es in my dream/real life. Didn't help that I started dreaming about waking up. haha, woke up incredibly confused over which sms-es weren't a figment of my imagination and needed replying. It reminded me of my primary school days, when I would fall asleep while reading a good mystery, dream up the rest of the plot and wake up all puzzled over which parts I really read and which parts I dreamed I was reading. (must have looked pretty cute flipping the book over and over again searching for the place I last stopped at, haha)

I'm listening to Hips Don't Lie now, and it reminds me that I'm going clubbing with my neighbours tonight! Finally, it's been a looonnnng time man. I miss the blast of the music in my ears, the pulse of the music in your head - that makes you decide to just let it go and go crazy, as if you were living your last day. Above all, I miss the company, those crazy memories of the occassional Girls' Night Out we had, and the sleepovers, the truths or truths, the 'I had nevers', the drinks, the new years. I can't believe that I forget how much I miss my friends sometimes.

Went down to town to watch Mission Impossible 3 today (it's okkkaayyy), and for what must be the first time, I didn't feel like I wanted to shop. For I no longer know where to put all my clothes! I went home last weekend to find my cupboard filled to the brim, which I attributed to having not gone home to get clothes for the entire exam period. Unfortunately, I came back to PGP to discover that the cupboard here is still filled with unused clothes despite not having gone back home for 3 weeks. Feels like I need a new wardrobe for my birthday (wardrobes filled with more new clothes are also welcomed, haha) One day, I will be hung (in a wardrobe?) for all the unrestrained, indulgent, but sinfully satisfying shophaholic-ism.

I was actually in town to submit my work schedule today. And I hesitated, if only for a moment. It seems so strange to return to work, when I no longer see all the same old faces, when everything has changed. After so long, I'd feel small, and useless all over again. I recall feeling a great sense of regret after quitting the last time - it felt like I was still so blur and inexperienced, no better than I was when I first started half a year ago. This time round, I'll be better, and I'll find my way, somehow.

Beyond all the drunkards, noise and smoke, I always found clubbing very relaxing. For that moment, you act like there's no more tomorrow... but tomorrow will always come, and tomorrow, Chengwei expects to be dead tired. Yay, more sleep! =)