Peace

(Note: I'll probably change my mind about the following by next week.)

There are times when I think I could actually learn to enjoy the exam periods. With no more lessons to rush through, no more tutorials to finish, projects out of the way, there's a sudden stability in my days. All I have to do is to hide in my room and sleep, study and listen to nice music. Like a respite from the whirlwind of a semester. No need to face the world for awhile.

What I wear doesn't matter. I can stay in my fast fading old Hwa Chong PE T-shirt and shorts the whole day if I please. I can wear my specs the whole day, don't need to clean my contact lenses, clean the lense cases, suffer from the occassional lens irritation. Don't need to comb my hair. When the weather is cold, as it is nowadays, I could just put on the most comfortable jacket, no matter if it doesn't match everything else I'm in.

It sure beats the rush of the projects over the past three weeks. Living for myself, I'm only accountable to myself. If I don't feel like studying, I pay for it, myself. No need to force myself to go on and on because I need to send documents/files to people on time. No need to worry if others are sending things to me on time. If I get depressed from all the endless work, at least I don't have to perk myself up in time for the next project meeting, just a few hours away. Or smile and laugh, when all I want to do is get the project over and done with. I go online when it pleases me, not because I need to talk to so-and-so to get something done. No one to sms me to go online, or check the evil, vile, ivle.

And everything is so much more peaceful. My crappy looking self, my coffee, my novel (ironically, I read most during the exam period), my notes scattered all over the floor. And almost no one is going to call me to do this, do that, go here, go there, because everyone else if busy mugging.

With exams at this time of the year, I'd always look forward to stepping into town again, seeing the Christmas lights everywhere, joining the crowd of Christmas shoppers. This year, I look forward to going out with one of my shopping guru (who finishes her papers on the same day), preparing for exchange, trying to meet up with friends, savour everything before I say bye for awhile.

I feel like a hermit sometimes, and exams are the best time to be a hermit. Sometimes, I just need a break from the rest of the world. But I guess, one could never be completely satisfied. Come a few more days, and I'll probably be withering from staring at my blinds 24/7 and wishing there was someone to meet, say hi to, talk to, eat with. Oh well, such is the human condition- we can never decide what we want.

And there're always a million post-exam plans, probably to give yourself something to anticipate, to keep yourself going. But at the end of it, you're probably so tired that half of it doesn't materialize.

I've rambled so much. It's back to finishing up my coffee, back to my econs notes.