And so the last day of the vacation is ending. At least it was a day well spent.

Went to EN this morning, and I feel increasingly at ease and liberated each time I attend service there. I lifted my hands for the first time today during worship, and spoke from my heart. Previously, I've always been conscious of the fact that I am an outsider looking upon something which I cannot grasp. I feel less so now, but I'm still holding back. I don't think I'm ready yet. I supposed I may be considered a 'Sunday churchgoer' at this point. I attend, feel a sense of hope and empowerment to fight through the week, but other days of the week, I tend to forget. Until Sunday comes along. Wherever this go, I must say, it is a good experience this time round. At the very least, it opened my eyes and changed my mind about certain opinions I once held on to.

And then lunch with Leo and Kim at Sushi Tei, followed by a cup of teh bing (less sweet less milk!). It feels good to hang out with this wonderful pair, whom, to borrow Es' phrase, definitely 'have their heart in the right place.' Oh, and I forgot, shopping around for purple stuff to start the school term with.

I really do feel blessed, having gotten to know two great people in the past couple of months. Also, gotten to know a past acquaintance better. And it's rare that I meet three people whom I would genuinely care for (as opposed to hi-bye-once-it's-not-convenient-we-can-go-our-separate-ways) in such a short span of time. It's really these things that keep me going, albeit all the uncertainty, fear and insecurity. The reminder that for everything bad, it's never that bad because I posess things so precious. And also, such love from a certain friend which I never expected.

Piano lesson in the late afternoon. With each lesson, I increasingly realize just how many things I have forgotten, and how many things which I no longer can do on the piano (which I think, I used to be able to.) And it doesn't help that I always get nervous in front of the big man and produce sub-standard playing. It's really discouraging to discover just how far back I am. But it's okay, I wanted to do this, so I'll be patient with myself, until I get there. I just hope school and the other life doesn't take up all my time and energy.

I look forward to school with a slight sense of happy anticipation, because I'll be having two classes with someone (hello purple!) ! I believe I'm stronger and much more rational now, but there's this nagging feeling that stress and work might destroy me. It's natural for stress to take a toll on us, but I don't want to go tumbling backward into the blackhole.

I've mostly stopped setting academic expectations for myself since I entered university. But I do enter this semester with certain expectations. I don't need to ace and impress the whole world (I rather impress people with other things), but rather, I expect myself not to be dragged down by the other life. I think I can do this.

I really do feel blessed today.

And my dear friend, I know you may not be ready to talk, answer or reply. But know that I hope you're well. =) And I think we'd be terrific one day, and laugh at ourselves.