No longer the same

Today was my first day back to campus life, and also my first round the NUS campus in a long time. With the cool evening after the rain, it wasn't a difficult run. Somewhat satisfying, but disappointing, because it's no longer as enjoyable as before.

I miss the days when I loved to run. Maybe I dreaded it, but once I got myself pounding on the pavement, it always felt exceedingly satisfying, and enjoyable. And all the happy endorphins.

And then I had to stop, lost my motivation. And it has never been the same since.

I really miss running, really running, for the sake of it. The routine, so hard to break. I miss the structure it added to my life, the sense of security it gave me, to be comfortable in my own skin. Now, there's always the nagging guilt, and insecurity- as I relax and enjoy, I doubt my capicity to enjoy it.

And I hate being so unfit!

"I always loved running... it was something you could do by yourself, and under your own power. You could go in any direction, fast or slow as you wanted, fighting the wind if you felt like it, seeking out new sights just on the strength of your feet and the courage of your lungs."
Jesse Owens

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First day of school went pretty well. My fears didn't really materialize, so well done. Except that I found myself nodding off within the first hour. And I was strangely out of sorts, couldn't concentrate on the piano at all, which was... disappointing.