Sighness

I don't know what's with me these days. I'm discouraged, and I find myself looking for ways to upset myself. Like I need affirmation that I can be legitimately UNHAPPY. That it's okay to lie down and hide under my blanket and mope.

I don't know what's what anymore. I've gained so much, but I keep thinking about what I lost. Everyone tells me that I won't be happy if I turn back... but I don't know! I honestly don't know what's wrong. The only thing that holds me back is the possibility of reliving that daily nightmare. The utter shame, disgust and isolation. That feeling of worthlessness.

It feels like it's creeping back in, slowly, but steadily. I've so much more to hold on to now, after so much, but sometimes, just sometimes, it's tempting to let go...

and let myself be justified in my unhappiness.

I've yet to find my best form of escapism.