Just one more year

I had a long talk with Eb yesterday, and left with my heart burdened. There's so much I need to work out, seriously.

One more year before I graduate, and face the corporate world, where there's no such thing as a second chance. In terms of the supposed 'window of opportunity', a few more months. Miss it, and I'll waste six more years. If I want to give my absolute best shot at my Honours year, whatever's left of the semester.

So far, I've emerged relatively unscathed - or rather, I've been granted a second chance. While I lost so much, so many things have been going for me. One more time, and I'd probably live to regret it, for the rest of my life. As Eb said, 'I'm sure you don't want to spend the rest of you life doing a job which you hate. When you're 30, you'd really want to hit yourself in the head.'

At 21, I'm no longer a child, fresh out of junior college, with a few years to play about with. And yet, I am young - it's the time, to enjoy, pursue my dreams, and enjoy the company of friends and loved ones. And childishly gullible - always tempted to fall back, believing I can take it, and bounce back later, whenever I'm finally sick and tired of this absurdity.

I try so hard to think about what it is that holds me back. What function it serves in my life? It's a doubled edged sword - it's my assertion of control within all the uncertainty, insecurities, and worldly fears, my way to cope, but a deadly coping mechanism which brings more pain at the end of the day. And greater fears than ever.

I really don't want to live, or die with regrets. Or hurt anyone, myself. =(
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Can't wait for piano lesson this week. Firstly, it's piano lesson. Next, it means I'm done with the MAD-HAHAHA essay. Help, I don't even know how to start and I feel like this - (!!!!!!!!!!!.......!!!!!!!!!!)