Monday, 1.42am

I've a new favourite snack- raisins!

And coffee- I've taken to bringing my own instant coffee in my purple bottle to class every morning. Mmmm I love the warmth, and tinge of bitter (I can't stand coffee with sugar)... soon I'll be unable to live without it again. I just love the smell of coffee!

I tried out a new way of studying today, and it seemed to work. I was really pleased with my productivity in the afternoon. Every time I felt myself nodding off, I took a 15 minute nap before going on- it seemed so much less torturous, then forcing myself to keep my eyes open and basically not getting anything done. I thus had 3 15-minute naps in 3 hours. I should try this next week and see how it goes.

It made me pleased with myself. It's been a long time since I've managed to sit down and just work, with the exception of times when I'm doing last minute work, which is pretty often. I'm really not pleased with the way I operate now- I evidently lack the motivation to just do things. I make plans, to spend my day reading, gymming, practising and working, but it never materializes. I don't know where all the time goes to. I miss the feeling of being in control of everything, but maybe that's just not my way anymore.

So yay, I was pleased with myself today. =)

Post-CFA-Appreciation night dinner with Linli and Anirban was nice. On retrospect, I regret all the Fridays when I rushed off after session, to do what, I don't even know. Definitely not work. Friday evenings should be meant for taking a breather, even if it's just sitting down for half an hour for dinner with friends. Let's hope my Honours year doesn't rob me of the simple pleasures which I have discovered lately.

This semester, I am very lucky to have two great project mates. Maybe it's because it's just a team of three, which makes things a lot more easier. It's one of the rare times I actually enjoy project meetings, and working together. My impatience is tempered, and I enjoy the company. And I can be silly self at times, and laugh. =)

Finally, after being incapacitated by the worst stomachache ever for three days, I managed a late night run around the campus today. It's only when I actually get down to running that I realize I miss the feeling of having my feet carry me, and pushing against the wind. I miss the days, but I'm just not the same anymore.

I want to feel it again- the satisfaction of running 10km, 21km... I've never been a fast runner, and am only able to really sprint when I've ran a considerably distance, with my breath accustomed to the pace. So my high comes from the last 1 or 2 kilometres, when it feels like my legs are carrying themselves. It's been a long time since I experienced that-

But I suspect, there's a latent fear. That if I run long distances again, I'd discover that I just do not have the will to do it anymore. That I have slipped so far back. And then, taking it like a personal failure.

One day I will run again, not because my enemy compels me to, but for the sake of it.