Barely floating

All in all, I've been very unhappy with myself this week. Yes, there were pleasant moments, like Esplanade, confirming our performance there, seeing Engs, and tonight's Beethoven concert, but those are things external to myself.

On a whole, I don't think I've done well this week, at work, at anything. I haven't exercised for a week, I've been half zombifying myself through work, and lapsing into old dangerous habits. I feel weak, incompetent, and incapable of meeting my own basic expectations.

Standing in the shower, I tried so hard to recall how far I've come, what Nic told me, which inspired me so much. The things that should keep me strong, and mean so much more. And yet, it was just one of the moments, I felt like raising my hands, and saying, I can't do this, I can't do this, I'm not perfect, I can't! Kebs is probably right when he says I can be so defeatist.

I don't know what's been going on these days, that makes me struggle so much.

Really, I have so many things going on for me now, I can only fight to get out of this pit, somehow. But let me be upset for a night, won't you?