I should leave my laptop at work from now on!



It really disciplines me. Without the distracting, evil little devil's advocate, I managed to run by the reservoir, practice and read (Golden Compass!) yesterday evening.



It's been a really long time since I've ran by lower piece reservoir, just by itself. For the longest time ever, I would only run there after running Upper Pierce- which means I could only run there when I had enough strength after all the slopes. I never ever just ran to Lower Pierce becasue I feel like I've ran if I just run up flat ground. Last night, I decided to give myself a break and ran there, where I used to go in JC, every evening, and run by the sunset. It was very dark, but very nice, the outline of the trees against the dark waters.

[Note: Above was written earlier. i have succumed to begging my mum for her laptop at home]

I think I have a new disorder - OTD, acronym for Obsessive Thought(s) Disorder. I have a million things running through my mind sometimes, which makes me prone to multi-tasking. I want to work, settle stuff FAST, and have a social life by chatting, at the same time. Worst, all the nitty gritty stuff, bit and pieces of information with regards to unfinished business which I have accumulated throughout the day remains in my head as I lie on the bed, so much so that I feel compelled to get up and blog about some things, and maybe type out an E-mail/document of instructions. Then as I think about all these, I'm already thinking about tomrorow, how I haven't slept, and I'm going to be so tired - 'oh dear, how shall I fit in my run and piano practise tomorrow? Will I have enough time and REST?' And behind all these, I'm thinking about people and their problems, people and their feelings, and basically, other people whom I have been worrying about.

So let me now do a verbal diarrhoea of things I need to get out of my system so that I may go sleep-

I think I accidentally offended a colleague today. I asked him how old he was, and discovered he was a whole 6 years older than me, but didn't seem like it at all. And I told him so, quite frankly. I realized my mistake only too late, but really, what I meant was that I've met people younger than him, but much more intimidating (in a distasteful, not respectable fashion). I just didn't know how to express it right at that moment, and neither could I find the right words to clarify, silly me!

As I was typing out an E-mail to my committee today, I realized that I'm disposed to sounding really technical, and businesslike, even though I like keeping things relaxed, and informal (while getting the work done of course!) Much as I tried to curb my 'dictation' style, it was still evident. I suppose that's what three years of Business School does to you. While running today, I even thought about whether I'm going to be the first to make use of powerpoint slide during NUSPE sessions, down to whether I can actually fit in a projector, oh my goodness! I can see looks of horror already.

Today, a good friend told me the strangest thing I ever expected to hear from a guy - 'I think girls are much stronger than guys because they have to put up with so much shit.' Or something along that lines. And I mentioned that often, women are more sensitive, and we have to deal with it, rather than impose it with others; but being sensitive also means being sensitive towards others, which doubles the effort required. And to my amusement, he didn't say I was being silly, but agreed. Wow, rare to see a guy able to perceive things from a woman's perspective. I could go on and on, but I'm going to sound like I'm lecturing all the guys in the world. I do believe all of us, guy or girl, have our own shit to deal with - I'm pretty sure if I were a guy for a week or so, I'd start missing girlhood! But given my mind's natural tendency to wander, this conversation has forced me to revisit the proposition that NicNic put forth to me- that I'm always fulfilling my 'gender predisposition' and rethink my violent protests at it.

And today, I kept coming across cats. I'm not a fan of cats, but I came across interesting cats. The first occasion was while having dinner with my colleague (ooo, I've named him TeeTee!) at a quaint little Cafe, and I spotted a cat crouched on top of the fence of the opposite shophouse. And I immediately thought of my (dear) friend, who would have loved to capture that thing with his camera, so calm and poised. And then, while jogging around my estate, I saw three cats all facing each other, standing in a triangle. I just thought they looked so interesting, as if they were having a confrontation.

Practice today was absolutely disappointing. I set aside time to play only Gershwin, but I just wasn't practising well. I moved on to other pieces which I enjoy as a break, but they all felt so wrong that I forced myself to just stop. Sigh.

This past couple of days, other than confused, I find it hard to identify my state of emotions. I'm pleased with somethings, relieved with more, and then, very unhappy with some, disappointed with others. I've some new found energy, but I've grown tired of putting up with things and people. I have been bombarding the people around me with my random crap, but I also alter between being jovial, and then completely serious and sullen. I guess it's a sign that there's too much in my head,

But the good news it, I think I'm tired enough to sleep now!