Today, I played pianos worth $5000, $7500, $8000, $10 000, $12 000 and $23 000. It was quite depressing, really. I was beginning to feel a bit lousy about not being able to afford an expensive piano, but well, a certain friend has helped put some things in perspective. I will reconsider my options. I don't think I'll buy a new piano just for the sake of it, though I've been looking forward to changing my piano for a very long time.

Truth is, I have been very depressed this week. Feeling slightly better today though, after much effort and nagging!

Piano practice really does wonders sometimes - for the minutes or hours I sit there, it's just me, my piano and the metronome (yes, the metronome has now become an indispensible item)... most of the time, my mind manages to separate itself from all the whirlwind of unhappy thoughts, and the only think I'm focusing on is my fingering, the sound, the touch. It's therepeatic. Strangely, one of the things I like most about practising, is the solitude. When I'm alone with the piano, I have no fear. The indulgence of being self absorbed in my own little world, and almost justifiedly so - 'I'm practising!' sounds like a pretty good excuse to ignore everything else. I have a friend who says that pianists tend to exhibit selfish immaturity, simply by the nature of the pursuit. I do think I'm beginning to see that in myself, and have been trying to resist it, but sigh, it's not easy.

I think I need a break from the world, and some time to myself. Just for this week, I don't think I'm going to ask anyone out, unless asked- and if I say yes, it's only because I really want to. I just want to be at home, read, practise, run, and spend some time alone.

Just as I type this, BanBan is telling me he is no longer a teenager. Happy 20th Birthday Ban! You are the bestest Ban in the whole wide world. And the best working partner too, heehee.