Life as a temporary castaway
When shit happens, shit happens. And I'm really too disoriented, furious and upset to resolve it. In fact, I am pretty clueless as to what to do. Thank goodness for friends who live near me, Winston and Kebs, to come to my rescue in times like these.
To anyone who sits in the passenger seat while someone else drives, please do remember that shouting at the driver, while telling the driver to drive safely, is as good as telling him/her to crash the car.
Horrible as I may be, I am mildly satisfied - that I've finally said something, and made a stand, not just for my own sake, but others as well. All the pent up frustration at how unreasonable things are, it finally came out, in one short sentence. That was it. However wrong I was to turn away, given the heat of the situation, I don't know how I should have reacted.
Yesterday, was quite a mentally draining day. With the awful turn of events, I almost forgot the troubles of the morning. Albeit an internal one.
I realize, I'm in a position that I never thought I ever was - and I didn't even strive for it. I've long given up competition, and obsessing over it - I just wanted to be myself. And yet, yesterday, I saw that I could do some people a favour, and prove my point. I might fail... but am I shortchanging myself by saying I shouldn't conciously work towards it? But I've been there, done that, a long time ago, and saw that it's pointless. Ambition, untempered can be such a cage. There's a Chinese saying that goes, one mountain is higher than the other, and I think, that's the case with ambition so untempered, that we lose sight of what's important, or even what makes life meaningful.
And so, after consulting two confidantes about it, I've decided that I need not listen to others, or change the way I work. Of course I'll put in my best, as I always tried to with the things that matter to me. If it comes, it comes. No need to covet it like it's my soul's/sole route to happiness.
I can't wait to get away, for awhile. It'd be a good break.
To anyone who sits in the passenger seat while someone else drives, please do remember that shouting at the driver, while telling the driver to drive safely, is as good as telling him/her to crash the car.
Horrible as I may be, I am mildly satisfied - that I've finally said something, and made a stand, not just for my own sake, but others as well. All the pent up frustration at how unreasonable things are, it finally came out, in one short sentence. That was it. However wrong I was to turn away, given the heat of the situation, I don't know how I should have reacted.
Yesterday, was quite a mentally draining day. With the awful turn of events, I almost forgot the troubles of the morning. Albeit an internal one.
I realize, I'm in a position that I never thought I ever was - and I didn't even strive for it. I've long given up competition, and obsessing over it - I just wanted to be myself. And yet, yesterday, I saw that I could do some people a favour, and prove my point. I might fail... but am I shortchanging myself by saying I shouldn't conciously work towards it? But I've been there, done that, a long time ago, and saw that it's pointless. Ambition, untempered can be such a cage. There's a Chinese saying that goes, one mountain is higher than the other, and I think, that's the case with ambition so untempered, that we lose sight of what's important, or even what makes life meaningful.
And so, after consulting two confidantes about it, I've decided that I need not listen to others, or change the way I work. Of course I'll put in my best, as I always tried to with the things that matter to me. If it comes, it comes. No need to covet it like it's my soul's/sole route to happiness.
I can't wait to get away, for awhile. It'd be a good break.
Chengwei looked out at 2:03 pm
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