Happy announcment

This is 2 days late, but I still must shout it out to the whole wide world - EXAMS ARE OVER! *balloons, streamers, fireworks* Shall not comment on the papers themselves, except - I, chengwei, promise never to start studying for any exam less than 24 hours before the paper itself. That was exactly what I did with bsp1005 and omg, besides crazynuttyoutoftheworldAlevelhistory, I don't think I'v ever, EVER, panicked so much. 12 hours before an exam, the thought that 'at least I've studied economics before' doesn't really provide much comfort anymore- you just panic.

But it doesn't quite matter now, because it's over and done with! This exam made me realize one thing I don't quite like about the U - we'll never ever get back any exam papers. Really, it's not about marks or mistakes, but after spending so much time pondering over some questions, it'd be nice to know what it should have been, just for the sake of it. What's the point of learning so much, then sitting for one big exam, and never quite realize what you learnt right/wrong. I'm ashamed to say this, but I find myself not even writing in proper english at times, because it feels rather pointless, when I'll never know what someone actually thought about my essay, my writing, my thoughts.

And thanks Amanda panda baby. Thanks so much to for willingly spending your sunday in my depressing pee gee pee hole, just watching my back while i mug. (really, the company helped.) Thanks for shopping with me when I ended my exams all alone. You're truly one of the most giving person I've met, and I only wish I could be half as nice. =)

I think I'm really obsessed, but I can't help it! Was feeling so out of place the past few days, just because I haven't ran for 4 days. Swear I'll run/swim/do all things healthy this break. This morning, I drove all the way back to NUS, planning to run, and then go for a swim with KC after his paper. Ended up just swimming, but it felt great, to finally, FINALLY get some exercise. KC amazingly lapped me by 2 laps, but I shall attribute it to lankyboy being almost an entire ruler taller than me.

Ray suggested dinner at Spageddies today, and I don't know what made me agree. But stepping in always fills me with such a strange sense of nolstagia, to see familiar faces doing things more than familiar. And as the brother rightly pointed out yesterday, it's so unsettling to be served by people you know, to have someone you genuinely respect pour you water. You could tell me it's ok, but I don't think I could ever get used to it even if I tried. I never thought I'd ever want to work there, thread the same path, ever again - but now I'm really looking forward to starting work. Methinks it'll be so fun to work with my own bro and more fun to laugh at him.

Oh yea, and things have been more than coincidental lately. Like how I find it so strange that I always see Weeseng when I go back to Spaggedies. Or how I started writing a letter to Chris today, telling her how I shall write to all the overseas friends whenever I can't sleep - and when I got back today, I found a parcel from her waiting for me and in it, I found a book entitled 'Power sleep.'

Holiday plans:
-RUN, swim
-Summer module in Beida
-Learn how to use Adobe photoshop properly
-Learn how to park my car (this has got to be given top priority, to avoid further (very loud) comments such as 'this woman like never park car before' from random, bitchy, mean, unsympathetic women in the Far East Carpark. Or having to be given directions by a random stranger in the hostel carpark, and feel so embarrassed because he's so *aww* cute)
-Holiday (bangkok, malaysia, and imaginary Europe)
-catch up reading.
-...someone add something to this list.

Unfit!

Overestimating myself, I decided to run back to PGP through the flight of steps behind NUH instead of the usual (very long) and gentle slope.... I might as well have been crawling up. Worst, I thought I was going to collapse when I reached the top.

From now on, I shall walk up the steps to my room instead of taking the lift. (Only 4 floors.) And by the end of next semester, I shall be able to run up the same NUH steps - two steps at a time.

Can't wait for holidays. Run run run by the reservoir. Swim (disgusting fair!) Gym (because I need air-con). Shop (because I'm such a consumerist whore.)

Two years ago, I resolved to run a half marathon by the end of J2. But I'm lazy, unfit, full of inertia, unmotivated, lazy lazy lazy!

The Best Thing in the World

I'm truly convinced that I've degenerated. I don't understand how I could be so driven, and happily driven, in the past. Now I'm just wasting away, devoid. And soon I'll be a void.

And really, it's not about grades, exams, results. These aren't the things that matter, I'd trade them for so much more. It's self respect.

I feel like I've lost something. A few years ago, I knew I was losing it, fought so hard to keep it, lost it, struggled to find it again, and it feels like I've given up.

I'm so apathetic it kills me.

The Best Thing in the World
Elizabeth Barrett Browning

What's the best thing in the world?
June-rose, by May-dew impearled;
Sweet south-wind, that means no rain;
Truth, not cruel to a friend;
Pleasure, not in haste to end;
Beauty, not self-decked and curled
Till its pride is over-plain;
Love, when, so, you're loved again.
What's the best thing in the world?-
-Something out of it, I think.

omg

omg omg omgIt's 6:45 am and I haven't slept since 3 am. No, I was not mugging, I just couldn't sleep. Been a long time since I've had a sleepless night. So many thoughts in my head, so many so many so many, but none different from those that are always in my head before I fall asleep every night. So why tonight? (this morning, I mean.) I've done everything from friendster profile surfing to e-mail checking to eating biscuits to blog surfing.

I'm supposed to wake up at 9am for a project presentation. I'm so scared I just... stay here sleeping away while my groupmates present. Or if I make it there, I just fall asleep presenting. The sky outside my window is turning blue.

On any other day, this would have been quite cool. Sitting in front of the small window panel, watching the sun rise. But noooo. Not now! I'm tempted to just give up and mug. But that's just crazy.

I hate it when people judge me by two numerals and one full-stop.

I don't claim to be a genius, but I don't appreciate you implying I'm an idiot.

Sleepy

Shucks, I simply can't stop sleeping, shopping, spending, snacking, spending, surfing... if only I can add the word 'studying' to that list as well. I don't understand it. I've been falling asleep every other hour the whole weekend. No amount of coffee, food, exercise helps. I just fall asleep, first on my desk, then I wake up, say, 'Oh shit! How long have I been sleeping.' And then migrate to the bed.

I thought I didn't care, I wish I didn't care. But I'm beginning to get worried about exams. But I can't stop procrastinating!

Last night, my mum was talking to me about how we may celebrate my birthday and Mothers' Day with my grandmother next month. And sudden realized how fast a year has gone by, how fast things have passed me by. It's been a year since -

I could never quite pick myself up.
I did, and then lost my handphone.
I got a new hp number.
I felt a sudden surge of hope, after a very special birthday.
The worst happened, though I never thought it could be me.
I sat alone outside Paragon late at night, crying, only to be told it was alright.
I was slacking and slacking and slacking, and still am, somewhat.
I was so inspired by the happiest-go-luckiest person I've ever encountered.
I learnt to be content, only to forget sometimes.

Oh no. I turn 20 next month. (Hey JY Happy Bdae again, old woman. hehe)

Back to slacking. Opps, studying.

On school

Just came back from a run! I suppose it has become a habit of sorts. I often don't actually want to run, but after I've forced myself to, I feel pleased with myself. It would have been really nice if I ran earlier instead, right after the rain. Long time since I ran in daylight. Unfortunately, I went to Holland Village for Gelare Waffles. I really miss running at six, when the sky is blue and all is cool (pathetic rhyme). When holidays come, I resolve to run as long as I'm home before dinner. (then I'll ensure I'm not home before dinner too often.)

I felt rather happy during Marketing Lecture today. It was one of the few moments when I actually go, 'WOW. This is so interesting. I'm so glad I'm in Business.' And actually, I am genuinely glad. I was pretty lost in the world of Business last semester, but as I go along, I find myself appreciating it more and more.

Unfortunately, much as I may (sometimes) enjoy Business, I don't seem to click with Biz people easily. :s

My Managerial Econs tutorial groupmates never ever fail to amuse me. It's really one of the most fun groups I've worked with in Biz. We spend forever discussing every single detail of tutorials (which is tiring coz I don't bother think a lot when I do my tutorials, haha), but I never really mind it either. Sitting there every Tuesday amuses me, quiet as I may be. I suppose my groupmates must think I'm rather serious, but really, I'm just silent, haha Half the time, I find myself listening, laughing and wishing I have the ability to just sit back and simply 'talk cock' like they do. Just not in my nature I guess.

I'm currently writing a term paper on Marketing and Consumerism. I can only say one thing - I, Chengwei the consumer, is a victim of consumerism, but a very willing victim of consumerism. I embrace consumerism and happily fall prey to consumerist tactics. I proudly embrace consumerism because consumerism gives me utility, short lived as it may be. Oh no, I sound like an completely immoral, materialistic hedonist, haha. But who cares, I'm looking forward to the end of exams because I miss shopping! (Zara Zara...)